Sunday, December 31, 2006
Decisions and Resolutions
The year 2007 will bring many questions with answers yet to be found. 2007 will require me to make decisions on subjects that will be new to me...unexplored territory.
The biggest change to Gray's and my lifestyle is, of course, dietary. I have fumbled my way through substitutions for wheat flour, discovered grains I never knew existed, now use rice syrup instead of sugar...and I make sure Graham has soy- based products instead of dairy.
I still drink organic whole milk, and I haven't given up cheeses...for whatever reason, the Universe saw fit to bless me with an ability to digest fats. My cholesterol reading is always bang on.
As we discover more foods that Graham cannot eat (after celebrating the fact that he was to introduce corn into his diet...we discovered he reacts to it, quite noticeably) we find other foods that take its place.
Corn, of course, is in almost every prepared food item on the market, in one form or another. It is in everything, or might as well be. Corn sweeteners, cornflour, corn oil is a staple ingredient in many foods...and it does not necessarily have to be listed. It is trial and error, sometimes, to find exactly what each food contains. I never knew that vitamins may contain corn, or instant coffee.
As I learn which foods can be tolerated and which cannot, I find I am in close contact with my physical body, very aware of how each food item that crosses my lips will interact with my body. It opens my eyes...I thought I was well versed in nutrition. And I am; I was just not aware of my body disliking one thing or another, or reacting to it. I did not realize how much of a detective one has to be in order to find the make-up of these different, everyday foods.
The lovely potato is one vegetable that Graham cannot eat. The potato is a member of the nightshade family, which also includes tomatoes and peppers. Many people find an allergic reaction after ingesting these foods. Eczema and atopic dermatitis are common maladies people with potato allergies can suffer from
I grew up with the potato. At every meal, I ate potatoes, and loved them. To me, still, there is nothing better than a plain, cooked potato, nothing other than salt, pepper and a little vinegar and parsley added. Steaming hot, waxy or fluffy...it matters not...this is the ultimate comfort food for me.
Graham may never have the earthy brown (or purple or red or yellow or...) potato again, if it turns out to be one of the culprits causing or aggravating his pancreatitis. And for awhile, I followed his lead, in this case, mostly because I was too lazy to cook two different things. I would just eat what Graham ate.
But last night I had a dream. I was sitting on a throne surrounded by grain...people were bringing bags of grain, and emptying the bags at my feet. There was nary a potato amongst them. And in my dream, I grieved, wanting someone to bring me potatoes, believing this was impossible.
Today, I have decided I am going to eat a baked potato for dinner. Instead of just blindly eating whatever is correct for Graham, I am going to eat what my body craves or requires. It is a little like eating Kraft Dinner when the kids were small...I ignored my needs then too.
This is my New Year's Resolution...I will no longer disregard my preferences, in food or anything else. It is too easy for me to just follow...to just do what everybody else is doing. But I don't necessarily really like it and it makes me cantankerous. What is the good in that?
It is not just in the food area where I easily lose what I really want...in many areas of my life I will allow others to advise me, and then I will take that advice, even if I didn't need it, even if I had already decided what my needs were. I am fighting my intuition, if I live my life this way.
I am going to learn to take advice, consider it, weigh it with what I have already learned about this place or thing, and then take what I can use and leave the rest.
I have always thought others knew better than I...they were experts, some of them. Who was I to fight their knowledge? But sometimes an individual body, mind and spirit knows what is required for themselves, much better than someone else does.
I seek knowledge from all sorts of alternative ways...I read nature signals, I work with Tarot Cards, I seek the knowledge in my Crystal Ball, or bowl of Water. Not many of my friends and acquaintances use these methods, and that is okay...I don't care one way or another. But if I believe in alternative ways to find an answer, if I have honed my skills in this way...it makes sense to me to use the gifts Creator has given me.
My ways of discovering how to live my life may be different, to some. Certainly I have been in the firing line many times, with people who try and change my mind, and I have learned to hide my beliefs...and the answers I obtain from them.
Decisions and resolutions require that I understand myself first, above all else. If a resolution feels right, way down deep inside, I have to believe I am on the correct path, even if it goes against the grain for everybody else. Graham doesn't care if I eat a potato; my own laziness and belief that I must be wrong took that potato from my life.
The Potato, the common tuber, showed me where I was being derailed. It was just the catalyst, the stimulus I needed to see the bigger picture.
The stimulus I required to believe in myself.