Sunday, October 30, 2011

Mysterious Skies

Graham has been really ill over the last month. It began with bronchitis, which turned into a lung staphylococcus infection. He collapsed during our visit with the family and was taken to hospital by ambulance for an overnight stay. The infection cleared within two weeks, yet Graham still wheezed and coughed and could not get Air into his lungs.

Once again, he was hospitalized, where he was given Oxygen and ventilizers and other medications.  His stay this time lasted for four days...and his doctor suspects his illness is COPD. In a few weeks, he will see a lung specialist for confirmation.

We hope, in this case, his doctor's prediction is wrong, of course.

During all this upheaval, I found I could do very little. I wandered from one thing to another and I was no longer able to voice my thoughts. It was as if I were living in an empty space...a void...where nothing could intrude.

But I discovered something that did intrude, something that is awe-inspiring, miraculous and exciting.

There is a lot of activity in the Skies these days.

I discovered this one night about a month ago when I took Lucky out for his last walk of the day. Each time it is around eight PM and of course, it is very dark around that time. There are no lights of any kind that intrude where I live; flashlights are the order of the day (or night) when Lucky and I venture outside.

I am accustomed to seeing satellites crossing the night Sky, and falling Stars and Meteors. On certain nights, it seems as if the heavenly bodies hang by a seems as if I could reach out and touch them. The atmosphere is so very clear here; one can see for miles into the deep, black Universe. There have been many nights when I have wished for a telescope for the ability to see farther into the Universe than the human eye ever could.

I am not looking for UFO's the first evening I spot them, as Lucky and I venture outside. I am only looking up, and marvelling at the Stars. To my astonishment, as I stare at a vivid little Star, a tiny round bit zips away from it, sending out an especially bright green flare. It flies South, then West, then back North again...back to its original "Star".

What was that!...I say to Lucky, who perks his ears.

The tiny UFO flew so fast...if I could only describe how fast!

I think my eyes must be tricking me...tiredness and emotional stress over Graham must surely have taken over...

But then the little "bit" zips away again...this time, heading South in a winking, wavering line until it is out of sight. There are one or two flashes of an...electric type of green and pink. I am not sure I have described those unearthly flashes correctly...they were quite unlike anything I've seen before in the night Sky. Even Northern Lights pale in comparison, and are very dissimilar in any case.

I tell Lucky...They must have forgotten their toothbrushes...

For many reasons, that first sighting, and the ones subsequent to these, fill me with a joyful expectancy. I feel as if I have been washed clean and clear throughout, with a loving feathery touch.

I become addicted to watching the Sky, feeling quite out of sorts when it is cloudy. But one night, expecting Snow, I look up in time to see a Cloud light up with that unearthly flash again. This time, the brilliance was of many colours, although it did not have any lasting effects on the Cloud. The Light was there and then it was gone completely.

Another night, it had been Raining. But, right above me, Clouds had parted in a circle, leaving heavy Stars to hang in the void. I was looking North, above our house. I see three tiny UFO's chasing each other, making impossible configurations. Again, they seem to be attached to a larger "Star".

As I stare at the bigger "Star", keeping the little ones in my peripheral vision, I notice it is different from what an ordinary Star might look like. It looks and feels harder. The brilliance of it is digital and static.

As I keep my eyes on the fantastic display above me, there is a flare from the Star, which I feel more than actually see, if that makes any sense. And then, as I watch in complete wonder, I see pulses of some kind of energy wash slowly away from the Star, towards the protective ring of Cloud cover.

I can find nothing anywhere that tells me what those slow pulses might have been. They were slower and more precise than those a pebble dropped into a pond might have made, but very similar.

I watched three emanate from the "Star", before I became aware of how cold I was. Lucky, who had become quite excited as the pulses washed over us from above, had been at the door for awhile. The neighbourhood Dogs, who had began to bark and howl, when the first pulse appeared, had quietened, seeming to accept the consequent pulses or rings of muted light.

I decided to go in and warm up. Later, I went outside again, unable to resist. The circle of Cloud was still there. I watched for awhile, seeing nothing, but just as I was about to go in, the burst of Light occurred again...and again, there were the rings emanating from the "Star".

I wondered if those strange, intermittent pulses would continue all night. 

The incredible activity in the mysterious Sky has stopped. It has been at least two weeks since I saw the last strange Lights. I feel rather bereft...

I'm grateful for my time with these tinkling, teeny Lights in the night Sky. They took my mind off  the daily stress I was experiencing with Graham's illness. Strangely, they gave me hope.

Look up on a clear Night and study the Stars. Watch for the ones that move...

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

Bubbles of Joy

On the bridge over the Fraser River
I find it so incredible that Thanksgiving is once more just around the corner. Where did the last months of 2011 go?

Soon, it will be Christmas! And then New Year's Eve...and the year 2011 will drift away into the past.

Years ago, when I was in my teens, I wondered where I would be when I was in my sixties. I didn't realize, at that age, how quickly the years pass...and that I would be here, in my dotage, before I knew it.

The Williams Lake Stampede Grounds
And really,I couldn't grasp the fact that each day would quickly recede in my memory, into the mists of Time. In my youth, I truly thought I would remember each and every moment...of heartache, grief, intense joy and anger.

I do remember the dramatic, life-changing occasions...yet the details, the fine-tuning that occurred, what I did to learn the lesson that had been presented to me...those have mostly left me.

Williams Lake
Sometimes, something will come up, however, in conversations or events that jog pieces of memories I've buried deeply. Dreaming also reminds me of choices I might have made throughout the moments, days and years of my life.

Not all of those choices were fact, many of them weren't. And these are the ones that come up, during quiet or even not so quiet, moments. It seems quite strange to me...I thought I had put the past completely to rest.

The beautiful, green Chilko River
But every once in awhile, a sharp dagger inserts itself into my heart...a dagger which reminds me a former decision may have had severe consequences...maybe not so much for me, but for others in my life.

It is quite like an awakening.

Pelicans! Photo taken from information booth
I've learned something, though, with all these old thoughts and decisions I made years ago trumpeting their way back into my mind. This time around, when those past actions return to haunt me, I actually am able to face them, to unravel them, to allow the hurt to appear, to forgive others and myself, and then to let them go.

Something I quite obviously did not do the first time around, when these events actually happened. I'd guess the actions required to reach forgiveness were not done at the time.

Information Booth
It seems to me, during this flood of folderol which moves through my senses, I am happier after I've let some relatively small thing go...and so, as these past events assault me now, I have learned travelling to the other side...the forgiveness side...well, it might be difficult for a few moments, but once it's done...there are bubbles of sheer joy which flow throughout.

So even if time passes so quickly and memories fade with its passage, it seems events which turned out badly, if they haven't been dealt with, will come the age of sixty, or seventy or even older.

Hay field in the Chilcotin
I know a lady who is 95 years young, with an inoperable cancer. She told me she lived her life in pure denial. Every time harsh words were spoken, every time an accident occurred, she would take the words or the accident and shove them deeply inside. So deeply, in fact, that more often than not, she never thought of them again.

Until now. With a laugh, my friend told me it was impossible to get away with anything...those deeds that were hidden in a bottomless void in her mind eventually caught up with her.

At the age of 95.

Thanksgiving, of course, returns each and every year. As I write this, I try and remember past holidays, specific things about Thanksgiving. I cannot. They all meld into one. 

An old barn in the Chilcotin District
This is the thing, though. I am not in control of when the troubling past returns for me to deal with. I wish I was...hurting thoughts, from the past, can engulf me at the most inopportune moments. And then, I can find myself reacting to something in an angry or emotional manner. I find my reaction is fuelled from a past event...and not the present one at all.

It's a really good thing to know...

I feel much lighter these days, those bubbles of happiness much more prevalent.

This year, we will travel to the Coast for another Thanksgiving with the family. This year, I will go with a little more awareness of what makes me tick.

The years pass by so quickly, as if life were all a dream.

The Sun, Clouds and a green Orb!
Perhaps one day, in the near future, I will awaken completely, to a life no longer held back by dark, slimy sludge.

Sounds pretty good to me...

Happy Thanksgiving! May your day be filled with good thoughts, from the past and the present!