Wednesday, April 26, 2006


Most people by now are familiar with the streaming video showing Eagle and his mate, sitting on their nest, protecting their two eggs. I know people who use this live video as a screensaver. Here is the link, in case someone out there doesn't know about the Eagle Eye Cam...

Sometimes it seems to me to be an unwarranted invasion of these eagles and their life. We can watch them sleeping, checking their eggs and moving them into a better spot, or watching the two greet each other when one returns from a hunting expedition. We can watch them for twenty-four hours a day. I am of mixed minds...Nature can be cruel. And the world will be watching wild real-life drama played out on the top of this tree. Not always is Nature concerned with happy endings.

But regardless of the outcome of these two eagles' and their offsprings' lives, what an incredible gift we have been given. I am in awe of the clear intent these two birds have to hatch their children. When I watch whoever happens to be on the nest when I tune in, I wonder what she/he is thinking during the long hours spent sitting on those eggs. How would I amuse myself if the job was mine? As a human, I have trouble keeping my mind from wandering away from any long task at hand. Do these eagles get bored? Or do they accept the absolute stillness on top of that tree, watching and becoming truly aware of any dangers their offspring might face?

How many times have they used this nest? Or is this the first time? When the babies are hatched, my heart will be in my mouth too many times to count...if one of my children wandered too close to the edge of cliffs, etc. I would always caution them, and return them to my side. I understand the instinctual nature of the eagle will keep them safe in the centre of the nest...but when they learn to will be as if one of my own is teetering at the edge of a giant chasm. But this is what Eagle does, over and over. This is their habitat, and not one where I can feel familiar and at ease. That's where I am of two minds...people learn so much by watching and feeling...and there is nothing better than to watch an animal who is unaware of any restraints. Every hour of the day, if it is so desired. And in so doing, become familiar with Eagle and his habits.

There are many eagles that live in this area; we watched a couple do their courting dance right above our backyard, by Grandfather Tree. And once, when I was just about to step into the car in the driveway, these two eagles flew so low, I swear I thought they were about to land right on my head. Eagle sends us messages from Creator; when this happened, it was a definite heads-up for me!

Each time Eagle flies low, or circles and calls to me when I am in the backyard, I stop whatever I'm doing, and wait for the message he is sure to give me. For awhile, I would receive messages four or five times a day, now it has slowed down to a call or flyby once a day. Sayahda has a great site on Animal Totems and their meanings and messages.

But I find the best way to figure out what an animal means to us is to watch and learn what they are all about. Eagle teaches me patience (another message, along with my dreams, counselling patience!). Any being that can sit for such a long time on a nest, on top of a tree, or any high vantage point for the amount of time that Eagle can, has my utmost admiration and respect.

Patience is always rewarded...all things become possible. Eagle reminds me of an elder wise man or woman who counsels the impetuous youth, who has twisted himself inside and out with impatience. When Eagle tilts his head, he looks as if he's listening with intent. When Eagle stares at an object, that object takes his total absorption. Eagle lives totally in the moment.

Just as our elders, with their penetrating stares and stabbing words, cut through the detritus of emotions the youth presents. Elders have learned, through experience and time and making mistakes, that impatience just represents wasted energy...negative energy that builds upon itself.

So I take the message Eagle brings, along with the messages in my dreams, and am practicing patience. And it is being rewarded. I feel far less tired, far less drained of lost energy, far more accepting.

Perhaps it is not coincidence for me that there just happens to be an Eagle Eye Cam, when I am learning such a big lesson.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Healing Pets with Reiki...Part Two

The energy from Grand- father Tree and the surround- ing area felt so intense, I felt I was able to leave Nate for a bit, to stretch my own body. Lucky stayed, not moving even as I shifted and moved away. He did not acknowledge my move in any way. I wandered through the yard, my eyes on the dogs, and praying for Graham to come home.

Nate, even as he slept on his side, still seemed in a very bad way.

He was lying under Grandfather Tree in the shade; the day was warm and sunny but we had just received a week of unrelenting rain. The area in which Nate and Lucky lay is a wet, boggy spot on our property, and I worried about the dampness. But I also received the knowledge that this was exactly where he was supposed to be, at this moment.

Graham came home. Lucky moved off to welcome him, and Nate, with enormous effort, did the same. It was a far cry from the usual raucous welcome the dogs give him, with Nate's head hanging and Lucky trying to commune his concern to Gray, who was busy unloading construction materials. But it didn't take long for the dogs' predicament to become apparent to him.

By this time, the walk to meet Gray had placed Nate right back to where he was when I first started the energy transfer. And Graham continued to give him Reiki, finally putting him into an uneasy sleep. We left him there for a time, knowing that Lucky would immediately find one of us should anything change with Nate.

Lucky has always been extremely sensitive; he immediately knows if a member of his family is in distress. He will not leave that person's side, pressing close or sleeping beside the bed, should someone feel ill enough to be in one. Tears and crying undoes him completely; he will do anything he can to make things better. As a pup, during one of the interminable discussions that went on during my divorce with my ex, he mounted my ex-husbands leg, in sheer frustration. He was only about three months old at the time.

Graham has always said Lucky is a healer. Lucky was showing me just how powerful he already was at a very young age, both in intuitive protection and sensitivity to feeling vibrations change in his area. And he reached for the only domination factor he knew of at the time of the divorce talks.

Eventually, Graham was able to coax Nate into the house, while I worked off the excess of energy giving Reiki always gives me in the garden. I worked in the pond area and the rockery; as I worked, I thanked Grandfather Tree and my guides for allowing me to witness such a profound love, such as Lucky has for Nate, and for giving me guidance in giving Reiki to Nate. I needed that quiet, meditative state I go into when I weed in the garden, around my old friend Rock and the water in the pools.

I was making dinner when Gray decided to give Nate a full Reiki treatment; I did not witness any of it. But Graham lay down next to Nate, and as he commenced with the Reiki positions, etc. he felt the vibrations of the energy flow, even through his own body. The energy vibrations were intense; there is a different feel to this house when Reiki is being used to the extent it was on Nate. Everything becomes muted; it seems as if every last item, living or not, concentrates on opening to the vibrations, and all things benefit, leaving behind an atmosphere of calm and serenity.

After the full Reiki treatment, Nate fell asleep naturally. We checked on him many times during the evening, but he slept on. He woke me up, as usual, at midnight to go out...and in the morning, he finally vomited...a thin stream of yellow bile. Still not one hundred percent, he slept for an hour.

Lucky, at this point, hadn't eaten for two days. It was almost as if he was waiting for Nate to eat...yet while Nate, as he became better, ate and ate, Lucky still did not touch his food. The intense worry and anxiety Lucky went through during Nate's illness took its toll on him, and he has yet to eat much of anything.

But Nate, after his hour or so of sleep, went outside and went on with his normal behavior...which entails marking all the shrubbery, drinking gallons of water for fuel for the next round, and barking ferociously at any hapless soul who happened to be out walking on the street, beside the back fence. When Scott went to work in the morning, Nate was still shivering, still looking ill. His remarkable recovery stunned Scott when he returned in the evening, and his dog bounced to greet him with his usual panache.

At one point, during the day, as I continued to watch the dogs, I noticed Lucky with an irritated look on his face. He had the same look parents have when their children have put them through an anxious, fearful time and then suddenly recover, acting as if nothing had happened. This is the time when loved ones release the fear they have been embroiled with; this is the time when irritability can show, and Lucky was no exception. He still seems to be a little stand-offish with Nate.

We don't know what caused Nate's sickness. But we have an idea of what it might have been, and Lucky's behavior corroborates it.

Nate is an inveterate bee catcher. He has been admonished for it many times; last year he got sick from numerous bee stings, although no where near as sick as he was on Sunday. Lucky, even if he will snap at bees or flying bugs that are in the house or fly too close to him, does not seek out the bees. He has heard the word "no", and doesn't like the tone it's delivered in. And he is very anxious when Nate flouts our admonishments and hunts the bees regardless.

Nate could very well have misjudged the bee or wasp he was currently hunting. Or he could have snapped and killed a bunch of them...and could have been stung repeatedly. George's story on the site Dog Breed Info Centre shows just how serious a wasp sting can be; Nate had very similar symptoms.

Lucky's look of disgust towards Nate, as Nate continues to hunt bees (rather half-heartedly, I must say, though) speaks volumes. It took an enormous amount of energy to help Nate work his way through that rough, anxiety producing time. It seems perhaps Bee or Wasp decided to teach a lesson...and I believe Lucky will let Nate know, in no uncertain terms, that perhaps he'd better learn this one.

Working with both Graham and Lucky showed me what great healers they are. It was an honour to watch and to learn from them both. Their clear intent on healing Nate with the loving energy both use in different ways was impeccable.

Exactly as the true Shamans they both are.

Healing Pets With Reiki

Nate, our lab cross, woke up yesterday morning with what we think is a pulled groin muscle. He was having difficulty walking; he shivered and shook, his eyes clouded and held small with pain. It was Sunday. In my small town, vets also need weekends to recuperate, and we hesitated to call because it would entail taking them away from their relaxation time.

It became a day of almost non-stop Reiki, on both Nate and Lucky. Lucky is a retriever/airedale cross who, with his extreme sensitivity towards others, worked along with us, as the healer he is, in making Nate more comfortable. It was my first experience in watching Lucky work. We have always suspected Lucky was a healer; he proved it yesterday.

It was a warm day. Nate insisted on lying underneath Grandfather Tree's spreading branches, keeping himself cool. Once he settled himself, Lucky lay right beside him, even if Lucky usually loves the sun. I thought both dogs needed time to rest and I continued with my house and garden work, peeking at the dogs on and off.

I was in the back of the house, when Lucky came in and nudged me. I patted his head, told him what a good dog he was, and continued my work. But Lucky wouldn't leave...he looked at me with his big brown eyes full of worry. I reassured him; I asked if he wanted me outside to look at Nate. Indeed he did.

Nate was lying where I had left him. His shivering had escalated to the point where I thought a call to the vet was inevitable...he was so full of misery and pain. Lucky was beside himself with worry. He looked as if he was frowning and he was so intent on Nate, lying beside him...almost on top of him. But I was alone, and Nate is a big dog. I knew I would never be able to lift him into any vehicle, and there was no way he could get into a car by himself.

I have Level 2 Reiki...I rarely use it, other than on myself, and distance healing. But the dogs get more than their fair share of Reiki energy...I use it when they are over-excited or frightened of thunder or fireworks. And Gray uses it on the dogs at least once a day. But Graham wasn't here. And Nate needed help now.

Asking for help from my guides, and Grandfather Tree, I placed my hands on Nate's body. He groaned as he felt the Reiki flow, his eyes projecting the pain he was in.His body was stiff and tense. I felt all over his body, scanned his etheric field, and discovered that sick heat I am familiar with that tells me where an injury might be. In Nate's case, the heat was most pronounced in his groin and back area...

Nate's tongue flicked in and out, as dogs do when something is uncomfortable and he gently licked my hand, as I reassured him with a pat on his head. Lucky, at this point, lay down next to Nate, looking less worried. Mom was here now, and Lucky handed his responsibility over to me. Nate's shivering became more pronounced as I found the area of pain; he shivered so hard I was worried myself. Lucky pressed close to him, and it was as if Nate was receiving strength from Lucky's wiry body. Lucky's eyes were almost closed as he did this, and his body gave off tremendous heat...I felt it even as I concentrated on Nate.

Nate's groin had tremendous swelling, and that is where I placed my hands. Lucky's back was touching Nate's back. Nate was as stiff as a board with pain and fear...I felt his fear as a palpable being. After what seemed an eternity, as I crouched over Nate heedless of my own discomfort, the swelling seemed to abate and the heat grew less intense. But Nate's shivering increased; he let out large groans and yawned many times.

Even as he shook, his body became more relaxed and he stretched out his leg a little. As more time went by, his head dropped, and he was able to manuever onto his side. Lucky, meanwhile, moved a bit...he no longer pressed quite so close to Nate. But Lucky was still very, very concerned.

Asking for help from my guides, I was told to get a covering for Nate. The energy from Grandfather Tree and my guides and the Medicine Wheel right beside our tableau made the area thrum. I felt I could leave for a moment to fetch a blanket; I found an old towel warm from the dryer and covered Nate with it. Lucky, once again, immediately pressed himself close to Nate.

At one point, as I gave Reiki to Nate, I placed one of my hands on Lucky's shoulder. I actually lifted my hand in surprise...he was giving off so much heat. His eyes were almost closed, focussed on the distance, as he concentrated on sending energy to Nate. I felt honoured to be in the presence of such a great healer, who gave comfort and love so freely and instinctively to his beloved brother.

Continued in Part Two.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Old Friends and Rainy Weather

It's rained all week. And Gray had a week off work scheduled. So we were all bound inside this little home... which, at times, seemed as if it was bulging at the seams. I am one of those people who starts sneezing the moment I remember I haven't dusted for a week. Whether the dust mattered before I remembered, means a hill of beans of difference. Because of all the people in the house, there weren't too many dusting moments.

It's not just Gray and I's Scott, Leanne, Lucky and Nate. The dogs love Scott, leaping about with no thought to the hair that they are shedding in buckets, or the dander and dirt that find their way to the most inconspicuous cracks in this house. Scott has matured...he doesn't excite the dogs in the house half as much as he used to as a teenager. But the dogs still remember the hi-jinks that used to occur, every time Scott was around.

And so the hair flies...and the mud, from the outdoors where it has rained torrentially, for what seems a long time. But today, I am alone, a state of being I really need. I was severely out of fact, I was really crabby! But today will be a good day...all the signs are there.

Everybody else is gone...Graham writing an exam, Scott working and Leanne working. The dogs are outside sniffing at the shrubbery with hysterical elation... Sun is out, you see. There isn't a cloud in the sky. And Wind has decided to stop screaming with rage. It will finally, finally be a warm day.

This morning when I sat on my stoop I watched Crow fly over, and dip his wings! I have never seen such an amazing thing. My heart literally swelled with awe and gratitude. As I sat there, thinking about Crow and what my old friend meant to me, Seagull swept low over my perch, bringing me news of the sea. And then, Crow sat on the fence, and began to me and to the dogs. It never ceases to floor me when the dogs sit attentively when Crow speaks. His energy signature is very easy to see and feel. I laughed out loud in sheer delight...and I knew the day would be wonderful.

And then my old friend Jerr called, from the Columbia River Gorge. He say's the weather there has been sunny and relatively warm the past week; and today Wind and Rain are battering the area. I sent him my condolences...Jerr takes people out on kayaking tours (jerr86@ and the weather would really impact on any activity in that area. But Jerr is great at acceptance...rarely does he let anything as uncontrollable as the weather get him down. Just talking to him balanced me even more...a few joking comments with him and smiles got the better of me.

I also had a therapy session this week, and Sherri tells me I must build the muscul- ature I lost during the last year. So the plan is to get the bicycle out of the garden shed and do some repair work. The only kind of bicycle I can really ride is the one where the brake is on the pedal; this bike I have now is not like that...the brakes are on the handle bar...I tend to forget that. It could make for an interesting few days of learning. But Graham is an experienced biker...both on his motorcycle and his street bike. So, with Margaret's words ringing in my ears..."Better get at it then" and knowing Gray is very like his mother...I am sure I will be riding that bike like a pro in no time. least it's sunny!

For the rest of the day, I am going to do what I love to do...write, and then clear the house. I will open all the windows to catch the words of Wind. I plan to put all the house plants in a sheltered spot in the garden to acclimatize themselves to the outdoors. I will wash muddy floor rugs. I will walk and weed and meditate in the garden. I will harvest chives and parsley and rosemary and thyme.

And then, when everybody returns from the day's events, I will be ready, more willing to hear the stories of the workday world, my crabbiness gone. Sun and old friends will have banished the grey, wet, dreary days and the resultant moods as if they had never happened.

If I remembered to take time for myself, in the midst of a crowd, I could balance myself...but today, I am grateful for Sun and Old Friends.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

An Easter Wish

So many people who are a part of my life don't live near enough to give a hug and a wish for a lovely, awe-inspiring Easter Season. I want to wish all of mom and sisters, Jerr and Melissa in the Gorge (Power Places), Roger and Rodney (Wind), Shaman Maggie, Joanne and Hugh in Mexico, Shona in the North, Aunt Jean and Uncle George in Scotland...a wonderful season of renewal and rebirth, good health and prosperity, love and joy...and above all...peace.

The rest of my family...Heidi, Darren and Bree, Margaret and Larry, Scott and Leanne...thanks for being you. Thank you all for accepting who I am...and loving me in spite of some pretty far out ideas! I am the lucky recipient of hugs from these people often.

And of course... Graham. What a wonderful being to spend the rest of my life with. Not many women get a Reiki Master for a is the most wonderful way to drift into dreamland, if Gray gives me Reiki just before sleep. Such loving energy pours out of his hands, sending me off to realms unknown and yet to be discovered. Thank you, Graham, I love you.

To all the souls who inhabit Mother Earth...I send blessings, joy and peace. Collective thoughts have a powerful effect on events happening around the world, and my hope is that everybody who reads this sends a good, positive thought of healing for Mother Earth...the nurturer of us all.

It can't hurt, after all.

Happy Spring Season, everyone!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Full Moon and Changes

Today, the Full Pink Moon shines over Mother Earth. Other names this full moon goes by are the Full Sprouting Grass Moon, the Egg Moon, and the Full Fish Moon (Coastal tribes). It's also the Paschal Full Moon, the first full moon of the Spring season. The first Sunday following the Paschal Full Moon is Easter Sunday, which holds true this year, since Easter is April 16.

I like the term Full Pink Moon. It is named after the grass pink or wild ground phlox, one of the earliest widespread flowers to bloom in spring. As I researched the Moon this morning, I discovered that many scientists do not see any evidence relating to odd behaviour around the time of the Full Moon. They say it's myth...that we believe it because we are told it is so and in reality, nothing is any different than at any other time. In fact, according to studies done, the New Moon is when some disruption to the norm occurs.

But which came first...the chicken or the egg? Couldn't problems blow up out of proportion during the Full Moon, percolate...and manifest in the New Moon, traditionally known for new beginnings? Be they positive or negative?

I know a lot of nurses and medical practitioners who will tell you any large group event that occurs during the Full Moon is sure keep the emergency room busy. Certainly I am affected by the Full Moon. I don't remember being asked, however. I wonder who the experts studied?

Moons affect tides. And it effects all liquids on earth, including our bodily fluids. I retain water like crazy during the Full Moon time. According to Astrology Now. com, one of our three primary biorythmic cycles, our 29-day emotional cycle, is based on the moon.

From experience, from bringing my children to adulthood...I know puberty and its trials and tribulations are intensified during the time of the Moon's ultimate power. All the events in my life can be blown out of proportion, I sleep very little, and I feel tense when I do.

The Full Moon pulls at me...a direct tug. Many times during the Full Moon, I will go outside in the middle of the night, sit and stare at the wonderful glowing orb that brightens everything with a fine touch of silver. It is a time of reflection for me; a summing up of the last month, since I last sat there and communed with Moon. I find that, by the time the Moon is actually full, there are many things I want to discuss.

It will be cold this evening when I sit on my stoop, and question Moon. The wind will be sharp; bringing knife-edged songs of changes soon to come. The Full Pink Moon is still a cold Moon, in my part of the world. Even if the weather a few days before is balmy...shirt sleeve weather...the weather changes to a reminder of one of the coldest days in Winter, during this Moon's time.

The cold will enter my body, giving me clear, balanced thinking, reminding me to reflect now on the turbulent last month. Moon and Wind will endeavour to help me recognize and release my ill-conceived past choices, will help me cut the cord that binds me to them. I will try and unravel some mysteries in my life tonight.

It is a favourite time for me...this Full Pink Moon and Wind will set me up for Spring in all its new, reborn splendour. It is with anticipation that I look forward to this time...age-old in its beauty and promise. Another chance at living life a better, more aware way.

The Shamanistic way.

Monday, April 10, 2006

The Lady in Red...Part 2

I awoke this morning still feeling em- powered. Sleep was hard to come by last night; there was no easy drift into dreamland, as there is on some nights. And last night I was convinced I would feel really sluggish and foggy when I woke up to face the new day.

But Red is active, daring, passionate and optimistic. It enhances alertness and encourages activity. In old Egypt, Red symbolized the masculine side, life and warmth...and also warned of danger. So, with the dream still fresh in my mind and heart, the day began as if a power surge had charged through my body.

Within the last few years, I have been drawn to the colour red, more and more. When I moved to Qualicum Beach, Rodney (Wind) commented on the number of red flowering plants I had acquired. Plants with red flowers were strangely absent at my former home, with the exception of red of my all time favourites. Suddenly, without even thinking about it, I landscaped my new yard with a lot of Red, in flowering plants, vines, and trees with red leaves.

My daughter Heidi and her family gave me a pair of Sloggers recently. I tried to tell myself the garden clogs were hot pink, and they are in certain lights...but Red is taking over the pink. More people comment on my Red shoes, rather than my Pink shoes. Whatever colour they are, when I put them on, I feel empowered, ready to take on the worst weedy situation. These clogs are strong, ready to wade into mud and loose earth with no hesitation whatsoever.

When I researched Red I found red energy relates to the root chakra. This was clue number one in deciphering the message the Lady in Red gave to me. There is a lot of baggage still left in my root chakra...I have unearthed most of the negative packages and sent them on their way. For a long time, when I took The Tickle Chakra Test my root chakra showed terrible imbalance. Over time and work, it has become more balanced...but there is still a ways to go.

Another clue for me is that for years I thought I disliked Red. I rarely wear it...the colour makes me feel too "out there". And yet, I have surrounded myself with it, in different varying tones of the colour. It takes the Lady in Red to show me that my perceived dislike of the colour is really fear. Fear of Power.

Red stands for power. It stands for our own power, other people's power and power struggles between the two. Red indicates a strong-willed person...for me, who considers herself shy and quiet, a person who comes to me with lots of Red energy is one I should stay far away from. There is all this intensity.

Red is intense. When anger or frustration strikes, we see "red". Red gives energy to what I consider negative emotions, such as impatience and frustration and temper tantrums. Red is the colour of blood, inflamed physical fact, Red relates to the physical in all its aspects.

And with that in mind, I have just lately managed to almost overcome an extremely painful condition involving my hip and leg. It took red...the strength of the red continue with the therapy treatments. Many times, as I breathed through a particularly painful massage, I would visualize red, turning the shower of colour into green. The pain was reduced, and I was able to withstand and relax with it.

As with all the colours, there is a negative and positive aspect. Give that Red energy to someone who is angry...and it can fuel the flame. But give Red energy to someone who is afraid...and it can give them the strength to overcome their fear. Certainly I overcame my fear and dislike of the crowd in the dream with the Lady in Red's iron strength.

Was that what the people were all cheering about? The fact that I recognized the strength and will and power in myself, overcoming the fear of doing so in the process? That I recognized " red energy" as a powerful, positive of vitality, creativity and passion? One that also grounds...allowing me to face the recognition from others without flinching? seemed to be more than a hugely beneficial change of belief in myself, worthy of a celebration in itself. Who was the Lady in Red? And my guides...were they reassuring me of their presence, even if I can't see them? as in the photos, where they appeared to the photographer's consternation.

I intend to re-dream within the next couple of days. I've attempted it before successfully...I will re-enter the dream at the point where the Lady in Red places her hands on my shoulders. I will ask her to tell me her name and I will remember to thank her this time. It will be a conscious dream, as Robert Moss explains in his books.

But sometimes, as in the post Cats, Kittens...and More Cats the answer comes in future events. I wonder if Red Energy will help with my impatience?

There's a power struggle for you.

The Lady in Red

Last night the Lady in Red appeared in my dreams again. This was the third time; I am studying her message with very great intent.

Her appearance is always the same. She reminds me of a teacher...she is strong-minded, forthright, confident...and personally, I would not want to cross her. She wears the same thing each time she has appeared...a fifties-styled red dress, with buttons down the front, and a wide belt encircling her waist. The belt buckle is deep purple and draws my eye, because of its unusual ability to change...shape?... or in the process of becoming something? It's unclear. The skirt flares a wee bit, but by no means is there anything as frivolous as a crinoline under it. The dress is businesslike, with a high neckline.

Her hair is short and black. She appears ageless...she projects vitality. When she appears, there are many other people around, but I am sitting down against a wall with chairs lined up along it. I watch her move amongst the people in the conference room, her red dress a bright spot of colour against the tans and greys of the others. Clearly, she has immense authority here.

In each dream, the room is the reminds me a little of the gymnasiums in schools...kind of bland, with that wonderful wooden highly-polished floor. I notice I am wearing shoes...we were never allowed to wear our shoes in the gym when I was in school. I am worried...have I broken the rules?

I wait in silence, knowing she will, in her own time, speak with me. As I wait, there are photograhers who want to take my picture. I stand, feeling people all around me...but I can't actually see them...they do not take form. They are like foggy, misty shafts of light. But the photographers do not see anything. I am instructed just to stand and smile, so I do. Flashbulbs go off, many pictures are taken, and I retreat back to my chair.

I am told the pictures will have to be re-taken. There are too many misty forms that show up in the photos, especially on my left side. I smile; of course there are...I can see the forms very distinctly now. The photograhers discuss lighting, etc. amongst themselves, as if with all their high-priced equipment they can dispel the forms. But I know the beings are always there. I can feel the mists enveloping me, giving great comfort. I know who they are.

I sit on the chair, watching. The Lady in Red moves towards me, and suddenly I find it hard to breathe. This is the third time I have seen her; I have never spoken with her. My chest feels constricted, I want to back away, but I am already against the wall. Then she is there.

She kneels in front of me, and places her hand on my knee, looking up at me. The beings are swirling around me in earnest now. She takes my hand, and leads me into the throng...into the crowd of people. I don't want to go, but I would not be able to tell her of my reticence. Bravery is something she expects from me. I draw courage from the swirling forms, who seem full of happiness and joy. Those emotions are not what I am feeling...

I am filled with fear. Strangely enough, it becomes muted and muffled. On my own, I would never be able to do whatever she wants me to do. But her hand in mine is also giving me the will and passion to continue on with her. I suddenly feel an urgency to face this fear that pulls at me; that holds me back. Strength floods through me, pushing the fear away...not completely, but the fear is turning into anticipation and excitement.

The Lady in Red is completely determined to lead me to the front of the crowd of people. There is a platform of sorts, she nods her head at it, and draws me towards it. Oh, Lord, I think, she wants me on the platform, in front of all these people. There is no deterring her; I try to pull back but her hand becomes as strong as iron, and she leads me on. It takes a long while to get there. People are clapping me on the back, smiling and shouting, camera flashes go off.

I am bewildered...what is this great thing I have done? The swirling energies do not leave my side...what were once foggy, misty beings are now bright shafts of colour...pinks, reds, oranges and deep blue surround me. The Lady leads me to the platform, releases my hand and places her hands on my shoulders. I suddenly feel completely balanced; empowered.

I awake, with her hands still on my shoulders, and her deep, black eyes locked on mine...

End of Part One.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Grandfather Bear

The following paragraph was written a few months ago in the post Bear, Owl and Condor.
Bear is the creature of dreams. I am a dreamer, and I can get caught up in the dreaming, as Bear people are wont to do, making small progress in waking reality. Bear gives me the confident courage to face change and transformation in a firm manner, standing and facing my fear. His gift to me is astral travel, and visionary dreaming, where he is my protector. Bear tells me when it is time to withdraw, go deep into meditation into the beyond, and grasp the answers that are mine, if I dig deep enough with Bear’s clawed paws. When Bear appears, in any new phase in my life, it is written that the new endeavor will take two years to mature, during which time Bear will teach and give me strength to endure.

Two weeks ago, Margaret, Graham's mom, travelled to Palm Springs. Her explorations of the City took her to Terra Fine Art Images, where she bought Gray and I the sculpture pictured of the bear on an onyx pedestal. There is no way my camera will do justice to the majesty of this sculpture.

Grandfather Bear is portrayed as if he was attempting to grasp the spawning salmon with one swipe of his massive claws. His posture shows his absolute intent...his strong ability to face whatever lies before him. He is climbing down an onyx pedestal, looking as if he will slip at any moment. The sculpture is call O So Close, and signed by S. Herrero.

But Grandfather Bear doesn't worry about such little things as slipping into the water, where Fish resides. His intent is to eat, to fill his belly as much as he can for his winter hibernation. I have watched Bear in the wild (from the opposite bank of the river!) when all his senses were on alert. Hs keen sense of smell helped him detect the human that watched so carefully, but he was not interested in me...He waved his head, grunting a bit and then went back to catching salmon with his big claws. As cold as the water was, he certainly had the strength and the will to search for his food, however uncomfortable he may have been.

And having had the immeasur- able honour of Grand- father Bear allowing me to shift into his being, from experience I know Bear's sight is very felt as if I was in a dark, smoky cave when I looked out of his eyes. I also know his every other sense is as strong as it can be.

I discovered Bear to be tenacious. I noticed that once Bear set his mind on something, nothing could deter him...not wind, or hail, snow, or heat...nothing. When Bear has a goal, that goal becomes paramount in his mind. After the goal is completed, he will focus just as intently on the next goal. And so on, his attention completely centred on the present.

That reminds me a lot of Margaret, who had the incredible foresight to give us my Bear Totem on Onyx, a stone whose properties "conveys the invaluable gift of wise decisions, has the property of holding physical memories and can be used for psychometry" (The Crystal Bible by Judy Hall). Once Margaret focusses her energy on a certain thing, she always gives it everything she's got. Margaret sees failure as an opportunity to learn...figure out where it went wrong...and then not stop until she feels successful. Not much will stop her, exactly like Grandfather Bear.

One of her inumerable wise sayings..."Better get at it then"... is used when a particularly arduous job lies before someone. It seemed unsympathetic to me when I first heard it, but the wisdom in those words shone through. If you don't like something important in your life (where you're beating your head against a brick wall trying to figure out ways to get around having to do this particular thing) then stand and face it, get it done...get it out of the way! Focus on the goal.

Just like Grandfather Bear. Thank you, Margaret, and Happy Birthday!

Thursday, April 06, 2006


I had a lesson in frustration this morning. My day was quickly spiraling into that downward path of impatience, where the way is rocky and treacherous, slippery and muddy…ending on a desolate plain.

The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotion and change… where one moment’s high is the next one’s low. Scott, Graham’s son, returned from his sojourn with Africa. He’s (Off to Africa) been in Cape Town for the last three months doing his practicum with Downhill Adventures.

So my emotional body was all out of whack, as was my physical body. My mental body was on overtime. Because I was not balanced, I was having difficulty connecting with my guides. I have not slept well in days. Time for myself was at a premium…I felt as if I was sitting on a powder keg with a lit fuse as I awoke this morning.

I did a quick morning’s meditation…I know it was better than none at all. There was, finally, contact with my guides. I felt empowered as I recognized Michael’s energy signature. I felt myself expand, feeling the river rush of energy that coursed through my body. And I felt the beginnings of balance in the spiritual, mental, emotional and physical bodies, where as Shaman Maggie teaches, a five on a score of ten on the balance beam is the place to be.

And then, in a relatively calm manner, I went about the day’s business, answering emails, etc., as in the normal course of the day. Except I was no longer solitary and had to shift back into working with the world carrying on its business right around me…It added some tension.

But I was ok with it…I had done it before, after all. It takes a little getting used to, is all…where you have to keep your mind on your work and one ear tuned to the rest. Mothers write like that all the time.

And then our connection to the internet went down, or whatever the term is when it doesn’t work. I was thankful for Scott's presence...he was able to deal with the service representatives of our cable company in a much better fashion than I did. But he was on the telephone for a couple of hours. Finally, they found the problem and helped Scott fix the connection.

But it only worked for a short time...

So I wrote on Word. But I could not research or check anything on the Internet. It was not attainable. I tried to stay balanced, conscious that it would be so easy to slip off the beam. My balance on this day was precarious at best. Impatience was, to be honest, getting the better of me.

Impatience, frustration, anger...all those lovely negative entities eating a wonderful gourmet meal, having themselves a heyday. As soon as I became aware of the fact that I was allowing the negativity to expand upon itself, I backed away from the computer. I had to think in a calm, balanced manner. And sitting in front of a non-working computer wasn't getting me there.

I can ground and centre myself really well in my garden, where all the perimeters of the beds are done with rocks, stones and boulders. "Butt and ground" works really well...there are any number of rocks to choose from to park the bottom. Some of the boulders are as big as benches, not that that has anything to do with anything.

So a walk around the garden was definitely called for. By this time, my frustration was's never a pretty sight. I wanted negative energies to dissipate. I followed that intention, as I wandered in and out of the garden paths. I concentrated on hearing, feeling, smelling the scents of spring...the bird song, the newly turned earth, the feeling of expectation.

And slowly, peacefulness and calm entered me, once again. Along with resolve.

I called the service representative once more. All it took was for me to unplug and replug a few connections...the rep was very patient and polite. His manner is one I aspire to; even after I warned him my knowledge of things computerese was fairly non-existent (and tested the fairly part) he continued to instruct me in a slow and calm way, until the job was done.

A couple of years ago, I would have let my frustration colour my whole day with woe. I did not have the tools then to re-balance myself, to work at peace and serenity. Sometimes when I spiral into some negative emotion, as I did today, it takes a bit of time before I am aware of what is happening.

But I am learning. And it's working, far better than I imagined anything ever could. The properties of Shamanism really worked for me today. Does this mean the negativity will never reappear? No. What it means is that the more I practice, the more aware I am of unbalanced emotions, the sooner I can deal with them.

Awareness is the key.

Monday, April 03, 2006

A New Beginning

I did it! The box is empty. Pictures and memor- abilia are piled in their respective categories; the box has been added to the recycling bin. Done.

It was a tough afternoon. At times, I was transported back to places I didn't remember having been. Some of them held surprises; each time I looked at these pictures, I remembered the times and the events as being really happy. It brought home to me the idea that sad memories take precedence over joyful ones, when it comes to looking back over a life. They are the ones I remember fully.

But the the joyful moments are what kept me going. They were fleeting; really good times that were covered up with layers of the bad. It was so good for me to understand this about myself. Since balance in all things is where I strive to be, concentrating on the negative, explosively sad memories colours everything I do with a grey shroud...

Living like this doesn't let the bright colours shine through, in all their glory. Everything becomes lop-sided; nowhere near balanced.

I asked my Blue Stone and Shaman Maggie's Crystal to keep me company on this journey into the past. I also asked for guidance from my Totem animal, Grandfather Bear. My guides stood by, ready to offer assistance should I need it during this lesson I was being taught.

Cats, again, appeared in my dreams the night before the mood became right to attempt the clearing of the past. They are offering protection, along with riddles I can't comprehend, as yet.

Using these tools, I also requested that none of the negative energies attach themselves to me. I shielded thoroughly before attempting this journey. I released tension, anxiety and overwhelming tears as quickly as I could after the box was empty, completely empty. I knew I would probably never go back and was a one shot deal.

I feel lighter, happier in a gentle way. Looking at myself evolve over the years, remembering how confused I was for the majority of the time, as I lived someone else's beliefs, showed in each picture of myself. I carried excess baggage buried deep within me. These pictures brought the old packages out front and centre where they were then dismantled and dispatched.

A new beginning...and a job well done.