A Freshening Wind

It doesn't seem as if Winter will ever release his hold. The weather has been cold, with gale force Winds. The Wind dries the Snow left on the ground, only to bring in another Storm with Snow to replace what has melted and dried.

Yesterday, nevertheless!...there were hints of Spring borne on the Wind, which came from the South. I imagined the sweet soul-inspiring scents of Daffodils, Narcissus and Crocus blooming on the Island swirling around and into my very core.

It lifted my spirits, those imagined scents.

I have allowed myself to drift into a small funk. Many things contribute to it...homesickness for my family, the weather, being house-bound because of the incessant Ice and Snow. An unfair betrayal which has occurred didn't help either. Upcoming medical procedures, none of which are pleasant, are in the back of my mind, as well.


And then there is the Earthquake and Tsunami crisis in Japan...


It was time to move on. Wind, blowing so strongly, with gusts which almost lifted me off my feet, propelled me back into my dusty, hair-ball filled house.

I felt a surge of energy, something sadly lacking over the last while. I pulled out the vacuum cleaner, the dust cloths, the myriad items required to do a thorough Spring cleaning.


I moved furniture, changing their usual place. I pulled items out of closets, intent on finding either designated spots for them or donating to the Salvation Army.


The Dogs slept, hardly disturbed at all by the chaotic activities. Winter has been difficult on our aged Dogs...Nate has lost an incredible amount of weight, after his last illness. Lucky's ears bother him in extreme cold and Wind. I was happy to see them dreaming the rest of the Winter away...

I worked hard, using muscles whimpering for hard exercise. Walking outside right now is dangerous...there is hidden Ice everywhere. Yogic stretches done inside don't have the same power, for me, as a fast walk along the Animal paths on the Land does, or even a meander around and about with camera in hand.


As I worked, I decided I would concentrate fully on the task at hand, instead of re-thinking events in the past.


How serene staying in the complete present was! Right then, right now...I was and am happy.

I remember, as well, to dream forward, to dream of a contented future. I remember how grateful I am to have the beautiful family I have, all of them doing very well. I remember how amazing it is that all my needs are met, on a daily basis.


How awe-inspiring it is when I have a thought or a need to have my wish or dream filled almost instantly!

Synchronicity happens often, startling me sometimes. It will only be a matter of a small amount of time before I will be in a place closer to the family...I feel the reassurance well up from deep inside.


I remember to send prayers and Reiki blessings to the country of Japan, so beleaguered by Mother Nature right now. I allow sadness which drifts across the Ocean to envelop me for a moment, wanting so badly to hold and give surcease from pain and grief to all...

In the wake of all this cleaning and dreaming of an uncomplicated and happy future, I find I feel well today. I have decided to have a spa day...I am going for a facial and a haircut. I have done my nails, sorely in need of help. I even...cut...my toenails, an unbelievably difficult thing when pain from arthritis in malformed toes hampers me. And tomorrow, I have an appointment for massage therapy...it will put me back into balance, as painful as it is.


All is not perfect, whatever perfect is...I don't know that it can ever be, with factors beyond my control popping up on a continuous basis. But it is pretty damn near.


A kick in the proverbial butt works wonders, when one is sitting a little too long on the pity pot...

The Christmas Stone

Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? In the lane, Snow is glistening...

The song called Winter Wonderland drifts through my mind on an almost constant basis these days. It truly is a wonderland outside...everything has a lovely skim of fresh, powdery Snow. The Christmas lights decorating the front entrance, along with all the Snow, should put me in a Christmassy state of mind.


So far, though, the Spirit of Christmas has passed me by.


It may be because a viral bug has found me. My nose is running and my bones ache, my mind is cloudy and my eyes are red and sore. But today....ahh, today I will put the bug in his place!...I have presents to wrap and send.


No matter how I feel, when I get down to actually wrapping all those bags and bags of gifts Santa just plunked down on the guest room bed, there is an insidious feeling that takes over. 


The Christmas Spirit is stealthy and cunning like this. I find myself wrapping a gift, in a rather resentful manner, because I'd far rather be lying on the couch...and suddenly, sneakily, the Spirit tickles my mind. I begin to think about the recipient of the gift, how surprised they might be, and how happiness will bubble over when they receive it.


Love makes itself known along with the Spirit, of course. I will miss my family over Christmas...they have travelled to Mexico...but Love still overflows when their gifts are wrapped, with a special bow here and there. And yet, still, it feels bittersweet, this wrapping of gifts...


My grandson asked me yesterday if I was going to be there at his special place in Mexico. I almost lost it then, when I told him I wouldn't be,  that I would see him very soon after his return. I will miss my granddaughter's sixteenth birthday celebration as well. And so, you see...the Christmas Spirit, as sneaky as he is, still can have a difficult time with me.


It is always thus, every year, really, whether I see my family or not. Thirteen years ago, my daughter died on December 30. Even yet, it feels as if a Stone has been placed on my chest, more so at this time of year. And many of us feel so, if an anniversary of a death should happen around the time of Christmas and the New Year.


I wish I knew how to remove the Stone.

The Spirit of Christmas, however, does not let all these sad events hold him back. He insists on arriving, whether or not I am remembering a tragic time. And with his arrival, even if the Stone is hampering my breathing, things become easier.


Why not, after all?...I ask myself. There is nothing I can do about the past...why should the past now have the power to tell me how to feel today?


A beautiful sight...we're happy tonight...
  
Last week, a dear friend said to me...Can you even begin to imagine what Katrina's first Christmas in Heaven was like? Can you imagine what Earth would look like from Heaven, with all the lights and good cheer? The young children's voices in all the school choirs would float upwards...she said... and for Katrina,  for whom Christmas was her favourite season,  wouldn't she love it so?


Yes, she would...I said...She would, indeed!

And with that, the Stone becomes a little bit lighter.


Because my daughter loved Christmas, most years I remember that. With the rest of the family gone this year, I  have allowed myself to sink into Grinchiness.


But with Christmas music playing, with all the gifts only half wrapped, I think it is time to join in on the joy of the Season. Sadness has no place amongst all those gaily wrapped gifts.


I recall, when my granddaughter Brianna was about a year old, how Katrina and I and Bree went to a very beautifully decorated home. As we wandered through the garden Katrina said...Isn't this just the most beautiful  and happy place on Earth?... I looked at her own enormous beauty, with her eyes shining with love for her baby...and I thought, yes, right now, this moment, there is nothing lovelier.

And at Christmas, this is the memory which takes over. And I still think there can be nothing lovelier than that extraordinarily clear remembrance of my daughter.


Gone away is the bluebird, here to stay is a new bird....


Years ago, I told my daughters, when we went for a walk, that they could each hold one of my arms. Heidi always took my right and Katrina always took the left arm.


And today, even though a cold bug found me, even though the Stone still finds its spot over my heart, I will go for a walk.


During that walk, I will feel my daughters' hands clinging to their preferred arm. They may not be here with me, but their energy is. Just as my grandchildrens' loving thoughts will surround me, as well.

The Stone will become almost non-existent.

And then, later on, I'll conspire...


To face unafraid, the plans that we made, walking in a Winter wonderland!

Gourmet Food, Love and a Recipe

The Easter holiday has come and gone. But oh! what a great, busy and joyous time we had.

We arrived late on Thursday...Graydon, my grandson, was in bed and close to Dreamland.  Brianna was celebrating an early Easter dinner with her father's family and came home shortly after our arrival. I never thought it possible that a girl could grow so much in only three months...but the young woman whom I cuddled close as a young child has surpassed me in height by many inches.


She bends down now to hug me. It's the oddest sensation...I have begun to feel as if I am a little, elder lady. It's  different  from when my daughters outgrew me...obviously I was much younger then, but still...at that point it was cause for celebration. This time around, it feels as if Time is moving much too fast.

Graydon...ahh, our Graydon. I have long felt since I live so far away that the closeness I enjoyed with Bree could not possibly be the same with my grandson. But I was wrong.  When he saw me, early the next morning, his body shook with joy and his arms opened for a hug. I will remember his hug for as long as I live.  He wrapped himself around me, kissing my cheek, my mouth...wiping my tears away with his soft, pudgy hands. He said...Why are you crying, Nammy?


I could not speak...I had not expected such joy at my appearance from him, but thankfulness flooded my heart and the tears continued for just a little while.


My daughter, a middle school teacher, loves to cook.  Each meal was a delight.  She manages to cook like a gourmet, all the while keeping her home in amazing order, even with a three year old and all his accoutrements...even with a fifteen year old and all her diverse interests...even with Graham and I and what seemed like half the town visiting her home.


Bree, when she was a toddler, received a ride-on vehicle. She enjoyed it so much, I knew I would have to find something similar for my grandson. Now, Graydon does not easily accept new things...he is wary and takes his time in becoming familiar with whatever the new thing might be. But the Mighty Wheels which sat on the living room floor became an instant hit.


He's not so great at remembering to steer...in fact, he's not so great at even keeping his hands on the steering wheel, preferring to let me keep the toy vehicle on track. But his cousins, who are seven and four years of age, certainly had the knowledge required.  I have no doubt at all the next time I come, he will be able to drive it all on his own. Even at the highest speed, which is 5 km/hour.


That doesn't sound very fast, but when one is chasing it for an hour...that little vehicle seems really fast, indeed.


Bree was so happy with her little refurbished camera.  I believe she is a little like me in that she becomes attached to her cameras. I have almost every camera I have ever owned, from the Model D Brownie to the Canon I now own. 

The only problem was that I had forgotten to enclose the cable to download photos. Since I don't know what I've done with it, I ordered a new one upon my return home. A small glitch, which my granddaughter took very well. She's fifteen, after all, you know.


Bree worked on Saturday, the day of Graydon's birthday party. She works at Canadian Tire...when she arrived home, the battery on Mighty Wheels had run out, requiring a charge. She wanted to ride, her weight being well under the 135 lbs. limit.  But again, she took it in stride, only grumbling a little under her breath. She makes me laugh...I was only too happy to see the child in her who still loves to play.


My daughter had planned a string of appetizers for the Birthday party. Among at least a dozen others, there were these little squares of puff pastry with cream cheese, cherry tomatoes, olives and other ingredients which went down so easily, along with curried cheese squares...and my son-in-law's smoked Salmon.  I believe that smoked Salmon could win any cooking contest...I ate myself silly, knowing I would not have these tidbits again until my next visit.


By the time Easter Sunday rolled around, I was still full from the previous day. It was a day of lolling around, resting until the time came to make dinner, which consisted of the Easter Ham, three cheese scalloped Potatoes, creamed Succotash, Spring Asparagus in vinaigrette, and Garlic bread. I can't find the words for the taste sensations...my favourite was the Spring Asparagus, and I know I will be making this dish very soon.


During Graydon's nap, that Easter Sunday, my daughter, granddaughter and I watched the movie New Moon. Bree is a huge fan of the Twilight series; I've watched the first movie, read the first book and am on the second.  I am enjoying the series...my granddaughter loves them. She knows each line the actors speak and has very strong opinions about the story. I made the huge mistake of disagreeing with her about the outcome of the movie.  I was told I could not possibly make up my mind about New Moon until I'd read the whole set of books. A clash of strong minds and wills...but she and I never forgot the respect and love we have for one another.


Spring has arrived on the Island. I was able to wander outside to find Flowers to grace the house...a thing I have yet, this season, to be able to do in the Cariboo. I had a huge hankering to help myself to the neighbour's pink flowering Japanese Plum Tree...but I resisted that urge, to my family's relief.


I will remember the beauty of the green Grass, yellow Daffodils, many-coloured Tulips and the heartwarming shades of the pink-flowering Trees...until such time as the Cariboo bounces with its own Spring loveliness.


I know it will only be a month or so. Plants and Trees are beginning to show the luminescence that occurs just before full leaf growth. And some of the perennials in my garden have returned, making my anxiety over them and the cold Winter weather superfluous. And it will not be long before I have my own pink Crabapple blooming beautifully...

We had a long trip back.  We left my daughter's home, amidst much hugging, kisses and promises of a return visit very soon, at nine AM.  After visiting son Scott's new surfing store and a cup of Tea with Graham's mother, we caught the noon ferry to the mainland.


We arrived home at eight PM. There were a few times during the trip where I did not believe I would ever be able to walk again.  Our small commuter car is not made for comfort during long trips, especially for one who has problems with chronic pain.


There were no piles or puddles from the Dogs...we arrived and they toddled sleepily towards us. Dogs grow old, as well as humans, and seemingly they did not feel the need for bathroom duties during their long incarceration in the house. I believe our dog sitter Faye keeps them busy while she's here, possibly busier than they are accustomed to, and sleep was very welcome for Lucky and Nate that last day...


Just as it was for me and Graham.


But today, after two days of rest and sleep, I am already planning for my family's  visit in a few short months. I am looking forward to repaying all the visits to the Island, where we are treated like royalty.


Tiredness, pain and Summer heat notwithstanding, I know it will be a very extraordinary, loving time...and who could not look forward to that?


Besides, did I tell you my daughter loves to cook?




Recipe for Three Cheese Scalloped Potatoes


2 Tbsp. butter
1 large onion, thinly sliced
2 minced cloves of garlic
2 Tbsp. all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 3/4 cups whole milk
1 1/2 lbs. potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced
3/4 cup shredded smoked Gouda cheese
3/4 cup shredded old cheddar cheese
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese


Preheat oven to 350 F. For sauce, in a medium saucepan, melt butter over medium heat.  Add onion and garlic, cook until tender.  Stir in flour, salt and pepper. Add milk all at once, stir and cook until thickened and bubbly. Remove from heat.


Place half of the sliced potatoes in a greased 1 1/2 quart baking dish. Top with half the sauce. Sprinkle with smoked Gouda and cheddar cheese. Add remaining sliced potatoes and remaining sauce.


Cover dish with foil. Bake for 35 minutes. Uncover and bake for 30 to 35 minutes or more until potatoes are tender and golden. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese. Bake, uncovered, about 5 minutes more or until cheese is golden. Let stand for 15 minutes before serving.  


Taken from Best Comfort Food~~Better Homes and Gardens

Easter Blessings!

Most holidays for Graham and I are spent on the Island, and Easter is no exception.

It's 4 AM on Thursday morning, April 1, 2010. April Fool's Day...and our travelling day. So far, everything that can go wrong has...our primary travelling vehicle bit the dust yesterday and won't be fixed until today sometime...but we will have taken our little commuter vehicle and will be long gone.

I booked the Dog sitter.  But I screwed up the dates, and we'll have to return a day early. So Lucky and Nate will have a long day in the house on the day of our return on Monday. We will hope for no accidental pools and piles when we enter the house, but with Nate's kidneys and his age, we can't be too sure of that!


No matter.  We're off to visit the family.  My daughter and her husband have planned a full weekend for us...Easter dinner and Graydon's birthday party.  Graydon just turned three on March 27 and he has graciously decided to wait until we arrive to celebrate.


I have a surprise for Bree. The camera we bought her for Christmas a year ago had broken. I'd bought her another, but she was attached to the little underwater camera and so we had it fixed.  But she doesn't know and I am looking forward to her reaction when we give her the old one.

I am looking forward to the Easter Egg hunt.  This year, I plan to find more than anybody else...but then, each year I plan to do this, and I haven't won yet...


I have offered to make Scalloped potatoes for Easter dinner. I found a recipe which uses smoked Gouda cheese and Parmesan and one other cheese, which at this early hour, escapes me.


Graham has a second cousin who is visiting his mother. Nineteen years of age, he has decided to travel the world. I shall look forward to meeting him and enjoying his Scottish accent.


It will be a weekend crammed with people, food and most of all, love. 


My dearest wish is for all who read this blog to have a very Happy Easter, one that is filled with people, food...and great love.


May the Easter Bunny bring all of you much joy, in this season of renewal and rebirth.


And, on my return, I will let you know how the scalloped Potatoes turned out...the one with the smoked Gouda, Parmesan, and that other cheese.


A blessed, joyous Easter to you all!