A Weekend of Awakenings

Both of us were consumed with excitement as we drove to the Island from our  home in the Cariboo. Two babies were waiting to meet us, two very small girl babies. And there were all the rest of the family, as well...we hadn't seen any of them since before Christmas.


Far too long...


Our first stop, after leaving the Island ferry, was the hospital. It was so great to see Kimeesha and Scott, both wearing wide, proud grins. The babies were in the ICU neonatal unit, attached to feeding tubes, in order to bring their weight up.


Oh! How lovely the two of them were, curled up together in the incubator...one with a yellow hat and one with a pink.

They looked completely identical to me, both with black hair delicately framing tiny shell-like ears. How feather light they each were in my arms! It was such a blessing to wrap my arms around each one of them. I was privy to that wonderful newborn baby scent, as I held them close.


We battled a Snow Storm the next morning on our way to see the twins...one of those sudden Coastal Storms that can blanket the Island with a foot or two of Snow in a matter of hours. We were caught up in a traffic jam, only just escaping the closure of the highway by taking an alternate route, which was also closed soon after we detoured.

It was one of those days where I was extremely grateful that we both knew the area well enough to take that detour, otherwise we may not have spent as much time as we did with the babies.

Kimeesha was sent home from hospital before the babies were ready to leave. It was difficult for her to leave the twins behind; she goes in each day to feed and bathe and love...


And then we travelled to Port Alberni, where the rest of our family lives. We spent a whole day with Brianna, who caught us up on her life...her soccer, school, and her friends. And we had an evening spent baby sitting Graydon...he managed to get his Granda to read four books before bedtime, rather than just the usual one.

We had the most amazing birthday party!  My dear family gave me a truly creative gift. There were little notes decorating each individually wrapped present, all held in a dark brown wicker basket that contained so much love. 

And then, my daughter Heidi was sent off to have lunch and a pedicure, while my son-in-law and his brother cooked all of us a scrumptious barbecued Roast of Beef, with all the trimmings, as a surprise for Heidi. 


It was a day filled with good energy and much laughter. It was a day to remember, that day when I turned the corner to sixty and my daughter embraced her fortieth decade.

I have to say the beginning of a new decade feels full of anticipation for me. In my quieter moments, I wonder what the next ten years will hold...

I know with each passing day I awaken a little more.


The quote on my family's birthday card that was given to me states..."I'll do my dreaming with my eyes wide open, and I'll do my looking back with my eyes closed."...Clay Walker


It's a perfect reminder for me! Let me tell you, the quote quite made me gulp.

It really is time to dream forwards...

The twins will be home with Scott and Kimeesha on Saturday. I know they have already changed, from the delicate preemie newborns I had the greatest of privileges to meet.

Just as Graydon and Brianna change, from one visit to another, so shall these two.


It is the way of things. Heh.


It truly was a weekend of many awakenings...

First Birthday

Time really does fly by...my baby grandson is a year old today.

A year ago, when Graydon was born, nobody could have convinced me I would be living in the Cariboo a year hence.

I am still surprised it happened...this move away from my family. I am not sure I have completely assimilated it yet, even as I live here.

My family will celebrate Graydon's birthday without me and Graham this year, but there will be a DVD of the proceedings. I am happy he received his first parcel from us, in time to open his present.

Parcels cement grandparents' connection to their grandkids, if there is distance involved. I remember the wonderful surprises my Oma sent me from Europe. There were exotic chocolates and candies...and German comic books. Those comics taught me to read the German language.

And these comic books taught me a bit about my German heritage and background. It will be small things like these which will fill the parcels I send...one never knows exactly what toy or book will enhance a child's life.

One year ago today, life changed for us, when Graydon arrived. And a year later, life changed again.

There will be a celebration here, in the Cariboo, as well. It is the day we will be moving into our new home. A double celebratory event for us.

I will wander through the house, imprinting the feel of it, the energy emitted. I will plan where items of furniture will go, when it arrives a few days from now. And I will remember the night Graydon was born...

I will not forget to send gratitude to Creator for the wonderful gift given to our family that night. In my humble opinion, there is none greater.

And now, a year later, we enjoy and dearly love our grandson... from afar, albeit...but even with the present uproar we are in, I remember the feel of him in my arms, how he snuggled and curled into my very soul, when he was born. And distance cannot harm this memory.

I will enjoy planning the guest rooms, one adult orientated, and one more suited to our grandkids, Bree and Graydon. A room where they will be comfortable, when things get a little hectic with the adults, with books and DVD's to curl up with, when they visit in the Winter. A warm room, one that welcomes after a day spent in the Snow, or on a Lake.

This is how I will bring my family to me...by the plans I make as I decorate their rooms. Other guests will use them, of course...but the primary purpose behind the decorating will be our family, and their likes and dislikes. It keeps them close.

I know, deep inside, most holidays and family celebrations will be spent together, but there will be some where distance or circumstances will keep us apart.

Those are the times when a memory of Bree's flashing smile or Graydon's chuckle will warm my heart. And there will be gratitude, once again, to Creator for the ease of contact, be it telephone, mail or Video in this day and age.

I hear Graydon's voice on the telephone...the soft babble that comes over the wires melts my heart. Bree, a non-telephone user, will overcome her dislike for speaking on the phone and give quick updates on her life, leaving me with her heartfelt expression of love for me and a giggle...the giggle which has not changed much from when she was a small child.

This morning, I went out on the Motel's deck, and sent Birthday blessings on the Breeze, sending Reiki energy to my family. A Mule Deer greeted me, meeting my eyes with the familiar thrum of energy which occurs when I meet the eyes of a Wild Being.

I know, intuitively, my blessings have been received.

I have found a way to make distance from family work as well as it's going to. After the next month or so, when we will be busy with making a home, I will travel to the coast...and then will travel as regularly as I can, in order to keep up with the growth of my grandchildren.

This past year, since Graydon was born, has presented many changes.

Being part of Grady's Birthday celebrations from afar is just one more of them.

So much Love and blessings to you, so many hugs and kisses, dear Graydon, on your First Birthday!

Birth Day Memories

She would have been thirty-three years old, this year on May 24, 2007.

What would she have chosen to be, if she was alive? Would she have found her feet, as a single mother? Would she have openly embraced her passion for dance...for children and animals...for music...for Mother Nature?

Would she have come out of her shell?

Would she have become a teacher, perhaps? A doctor or a nurse? Would she have followed her mother, into an alternative healing route?

Perhaps she would have taken her love of writing poetry a bit further; perhaps she would have wholeheartedly embraced horticulture, in all its many guises. Perhaps she would have become a master herbalist.

The possibilities for her were endless...but she couldn't see them. Strong gates and fences kept her away from a clear path; she couldn't climb the hurdles, or find an unlocked gate.

She gave us Bree; some- times, as Bree grows older, it is difficult for me to differentiate between the two...Bree looks and acts so much like her mother, it startles and unbalances me.

Would she have eventually found her Prince? Would her marriage ceremony have involved lilacs...her favourite flower? Would she have had other children...a whole passel of kids to teach with her sensitive, gentle wisdom?

These are the questions that parents who have lost children ask themselves, over and over again. As each birthday arises, I watch for signs of Katrina; she walks closely with me in the month of May. She visits in the form of a small, brown Bird that insists on keeping close company with me. She visits in the form of Eagle, circling low over me, as I work in the garden.

She visits in the first Rose...a deep, dark red Rose that shines in the mass of greenery surrounding it.

And she visits in the form of deep, loving energy...an energy I can feel as a physical weight. She watches very closely in May.

So I know, intuitively, that her hand is involved in everything her family does. Whatever need arises, from the smallest to the largest, Katrina is a powerful ally.

When Katrina died, someone told me it was a waste. I said no, she had done and taught so much throughout her short life...a gift like this could never be a waste.

I believe she had done what her soul had set out to do. She was needed elsewhere, but her energy still lingers. I can't see her, other than in dreams, but the tie between us is strong. It is un- breakable.

Katrina already was a success. But still I muse, thinking and seeing her as a 33 year old woman...a woman heading into her prime years. A woman who is happy, healthy and content...just a more mature version of her at 23 years of age, when she died.

And that's the imprint she leaves behind with me, now, when she visits.

Wisdom. Maturity. Sensitivity. Eyes that see and know. The surety that all is exactly as it should be. Peace and calm. And finally... accept- ance of where she is.

She is an ongoing gift to me, her mother, one whom I know I can count on with no reservations.

Happy Birthday, Katrina, my dear.

Happy Birthday!

We celebrated my grand- daughter Brianna's twelfth birthday last night.

She's leaving childhood behind. Our conversations these days are limited to talk about her friends and their doings. She's very good, though, to her Nammy...she tries very hard to remember and talk about the things I had the absolute privilege to teach her.

When she was just a baby in my arms, I would take her down to what she later named the Secret Forest. Here was our classroom...here is where I taught her to respect all things...all beings. Here is where she named the big, old Trees, here is where she left trinkets and food for the Fairies of the Woods. Here is where she mourned her mother, Katrina...and here is where she accepted Heidi, her aunt, as her Mother.

There are many stories the big, old Trees heard, from Bree and I. Sometimes, she was joined by her friend, Ashlee...then the questions doubled, and the awe in Mother Nature's wild kingdom transpired and transformed them both.

They learned about Snakes and Slugs; about Frogs and Ferns...that the Fern leaves could be used as swords and that Frogs went through different cycles in the pond. Bree named the Snakes in the vegetable garden. One venerable old Snake, I swear to you, would wait for Bree to visit and then curl up in the Sun in the exact same spot, waiting for Bree to say hello.

Brianna's been one of the great gifts in my life. I was fortunate enough to share her younger years, to help in the formation of her beliefs...and I watch her now, as she takes the giant leap forward into young womanhood. Many of those beliefs she learned in the Secret Forest are now being applied to the world at large.

If a question is asked of Brianna, she will always, always give her most honest answer...and it is not necessarily what the questioner might want to hear. I have never been able to control Bree's actions; she has a deeply inherent belief in her own abilities and what she can and can't do. I bite my lip as I remember some of the times when I said no to something she wanted to do...and found myself doing it a few days later.

Her social skills are unparalleled; she is able to speak with ease to children and adults alike...and we all listen. Humorous words of wisdom...wisdom still largely untapped... trip off her tongue...and more than once, Bree's words have diffused problematic situations.

Sensitive and defender of the underdog, Bree will turn off a movie she's wanted to watch for ages rather than watch some injustice, especially if there is some scene that is unkind to animals. She is able to commune with animals...I watch her doing so when she believes she's alone.

She sounds like an angel...but she's not. She is very much a pre-teenager. I could tell you many stories of her escapades; however, these are hers alone to tell.

All I know is, Creator smiled upon me when Brianna came into my life, shining her light into all the hidden corners. The bond we share...formed in an instant twelve years ago...is as strong as it ever was.

I have moved away from the Secret Forest; Brianna has grown and experienced more of life's lessons, without me. She has taken wisdom, too, from the enormous support group Creator saw fit to bless her with...she has a huge extended family, all of whom would offer support to her, in an instant.

For as long as I remember, Brianna has dreamt of Wolf. He figures large in her life, her room is covered in photos of Wolves. Many times, as a baby, Bree would dream, wake me up, and we would hear the howling of Wolf in the very far distance.

What more could a grandmother who practices Shamanic ways ask for?

Happy Birthday, Brianna!