Lately, I can't seem to walk by baby stores, without going in and having a peek. I can't seem to look at baby photos without imagining myself holding a baby.
I dream about babies; I wonder what all the new, strange paraphernalia for babies is; I discuss babies at great length with other older people.
I must, by the grace of Spirit, be having another grandchild. Do ya think?
I have had dreams about this new soul entering our family for many years. I know the eyes; I feel strong, masculine energy, when I 'see' the baby; I 'feel' the weight of that tiny body encircled by my arms.
We won't be strangers, this new member of our family and I. We have already made our acquaintance, and it began eons ago. Just as the tie to my granddaughter did not have to be made upon her birth...the cord was already there.
They say babies' eyes are full of innocence. I don't agree...when I see a newborn baby, I see the wisdom of the Universe, for a short while after birth. The new soul is still very close to Spirit, and wisdom and knowledge shine out of the babe's eyes.
Even if my intuition told me my daughter, a career woman, was eventually going to have a baby, sometimes I despaired. I am ever so grateful for my granddaughter, who still has time for her Nammy, but is maturing and growing at a rapid rate. Rarely, now, do I get the chance to wander in the garden with Bree, sharing the wisdom of Nature.
I was on the telephone with my daughter when she told me she was pregnant. A small, brown bird flew into the house at the same time I was speaking to her. It was amazing...I cannot begin to tell you. The tears streamed down my face; I couldn't speak to my daughter...and all the while I watched Brown Bird.
The dogs were in. But Brown Bird wasn't concerned. She flew from room to room, checking things out. The dogs...ahhh...I worried about those dogs. But they ignored her, going outside without complaint, looking back over their shoulders at Brown Bird, not considering her an intruder at all.
And neither did I. Because, you see, I knew this Brown Bird. Every sense in me was on full alert, which was difficult, because I was still on the telephone with my daughter. I had a choice; I could either watch Brown Bird or give my daughter my full attention.
Brown Bird made the choice for me. She settled down on a plant by the window...and watched me. Suddenly, I knew it was alright to wait until the phone conversation was complete, before I did anything about Brown Bird.
My daughter and I spoke for a long while...fears and hopes, confidences and apprehensions...all the things a mother and daughter speak about, given the news of a first baby. I was outside, letting Sun and Wind give me balance, grounding myself. I had almost forgotten Brown Bird.
My convers- ation ended. I sat in wonder at the news, until a piercing trill brought me out of my thoughts. The Brown Bird!
I carefully closed the back door, leaving the dogs lazing in the Sun. I grabbed a tea towel, and walked over to Brown Bird, who was still sitting on the plant.
Hello, Katrina, I whispered.
Brown Bird grew silent, ruffling her feathers. She stared at me. I stared back, feeling tears streaming once again down my cheeks.
I know about the baby, I told her. I'm so over the top, I don't know how to tell you how excited I am! And I'm so glad you came to visit, at the exact same time your sister told me about it!
We spoke a little longer, all the while staring at one another, drinking each other in, it seemed. The energy that passed between Brown Bird and I felt all-encompassing and very pure. It is hard to describe...like a sudden, warming shaft of Sunlight in a darkened Forest, perhaps.
Time passed. Brown Bird grew anxious and fluttered her wings. It was time for her to go. I wrapped the towel around her... oh, so gently...and let her go off the front porch. She flew to the telephone pole, sang a short song...and flew away.
I have not seen her, or her kind, since. I don't know what kind of Bird she was...I have looked in the bird books and can't make a positive identification. Perhaps I am not meant to.
This all happened way back last summer. I have cradled the secret to my chest for eight months. I can no longer not write about the new baby...it is a big change in my life, and colours everything I do.
And the birth is coming up. March 28th is the due date. Babies are perennially late, however; my daughter feels the date of the baby's birth will be sometime in April.
Yesterday I mowed the back lawn, before it rained. As I mowed, I thought of the new baby that would see the garden for the first time. Bree grew along with a different garden; she has memories of large spaces and forests. This baby will see a smaller version. Smaller, but no less beautiful.
Now that my secret is out, I will be inundating this blog with pictures of babies, stories from a grandmother. The new baby will live in a different town; I will not be able to see him/her all the time, as I did with Bree. But Bree has promised to teach the stories to the baby that I taught her.
I wonder if Brown Bird will return on the day of the baby's birth?
Rest assured, I will let you know.
Note: The photos used in this post are not pictures of our new baby. There will be many, however, once the child is born!