Wrapping the blue jacket tightly around myself, I prepared to enjoy my nightly meditation with Nature. Sometimes, Wind is howling and Rain is driving spears of Water across the land.
Sometimes, it will be still, with a solid Cloud cover; sounds are muffled then...the chimes from the Town Hall sound as if a huge, woolen blanket had casually been thrown over the Tower.
This night, however, it was cold and clear. The day just passed had been sunny, albeit not very warm, unless one stayed directly in Sun's light. And Wind held a sharp edge, promising Snow.
With the light just fading from the Sky, I saw the first Star. As a child would, and as I do every time I see the first pinprick of Light in the Heavens, I wished upon it. And as I finished my wish...as I do every time...I recited to myself..."Twinkle, twinkle, little Star, How I wonder who you are, Up above the World so high, Like a Diamond in the Sky!"
I chuckled to myself. I am often such a creature of habit. Had I not recited this verse, it would have unsettled me. And the last thing I want, these days, is to further give myself any anxiety, no matter how small!
I let my mind wander at will; then it was time to speak.
Spirit, I said, Life has been difficult these last few months. Many troubling events have occurred. Many times, You have heard me rant on about something or other, not accepting, not forgiving, becoming judgmental. Wanting what I want on my time, not Yours.
I know, too, Spirit, that You have forgiven me for those transgressions, those marks on my character. I know it is I who must forgive myself.
I have not had time for reflection, for wondering, for thinking. I miss the times in the Garden. You knew how badly I needed a day outside, didn't you? Thank You for the warm day You sent today; I dug and dug and dug, grounding myself with Mother Earth's help.
It feels, lately, as if I am on a roller-coaster ride. Up and Down and all over the place Sideways. Spirit, I thank you for the deep faith I have had the good fortune to build upon over the years. It is standing me in good stead.
Thank You for the synchronicity in my day-to-day living. I only have to think I want a parking place, and one appears. I only have to wish upon a Star. And sooner or later, when the time is right, my wish becomes reality.
This is your promise to me. And, Spirit, I know You never break promises. But, at times, I just have a little trouble remembering.
Please take away the negativity...the black, terrifying moods...the fearful what-ifs. Could You just help me find the joy? Could You help me find the balance in all these situations that crop up? And could You, just this once, take another look at the load You have given me to carry? Perhaps some of those big boulders could be shed.
And while I'm asking for such huge help, probably overstepping my bounds...could You see fit to add a couple of hours to each 24 hour day...perhaps make it a 28 hour day? That could work. Just so I'll have more time to write...
What's good for me is good for everybody else, too, Spirit. I'm not unique; can You please give all the other beings and Mother Earth, too, the answers they seek? The wisdom they need?
Could we maybe work on the fear and lack of faith I run into every day? I know the old adage..."When fear comes knocking, you don't have to let him in"... but every so often, it's quicker than me, and sneaks its insidious way inside...
I almost forgot. I wanted to tell You how thankful I am that we are receiving Your greatest gift...a new baby soul. But you already know all that.
In fact, You already know all of my wishes, needs, requirements, and goals. But I'm glad we had this talk. It reminds me that I'm not in charge of my life.
Wind sharpened, blowing a hard, cold gust. A flock of Geese, late back from their feeding grounds, flew, loudly honking, overhead. I shivered, knowing without a doubt, that it was still February...we were still in the grip of Winter.
My meditation with Spirit was done.