Wednesday, July 05, 2006


I woke up in the middle of the night, knowing I was missing something. And then I realized...The Pain was not there. For the first time in two years or so, I have not had to walk around the house in the middle of the night to unkink.

Last night, when I took a warm, epsom salted bath (Sherri believes that toxins will be dispelled faster and with less discomfort if an epsom bath is taken directly after. She's right, I've tried doing without and spent two days fighting nausea and tummy upsets), an unbelievable sadness came over me. Tears came from nowhere; they flowed freely, as I wondered where this all came from.

It was part of the clearing. I am still not aware of what the sadness entailed within me; I just let it happen without question. It was not the time for logic.

The Pain will return; the lack of it last night reminded me what it felt like to not have the Pain as a constant companion. During the days, sometimes I tell myself I have not always felt like I am
walking with a sharp stick lodged in my spine. But it is so hard to has been so long.

I tell myself I am not so bad...others are far worse physically than I am...perhaps mentally and spiritually, too. I have so much to be thankful for...I am finally living a life I have longed for for as long as I can remember.

Because I have no clear diagnosis, I feel as if I am floundering...what more or what else should I be doing to treat The Pain? To give it what it needs, and send it off with love and forgiveness? What piece of the puzzle am I missing?

I wrote the foregoing a few days ago. Some of the answers have become a little clearer. I was given directions from Grandfather Tree yesterday, and they are working. I am a little clearer of what I have to do that I am not doing.

The Pain had come back, you see. I had the reminder that night of what it felt like to have no pain. I needed this. I had forgotten. And so, when The Pain returned, I remembered what I was working towards. Wellness became the golden apple for me, it made me reach harder; it became my goal. My absolute clear intention, which I would approach with authority and no fear of any consequences.

I asked Grandfather Tree a very poignant question...just basically why? There was no answer to that question; the answer to what I could do to help myself was. I felt as if I were in a dream as I was directed to turn around, my back to him, and take both hands and press down on my hips and below, from The Pain radiating from my spine. I felt a tweak; it was so light it felt as if a feather had brushed my spine. Instant relief.

I was told to do that particular movement ten times a day. And it has helped immensely. Last night my leg and ankle were swollen; they are better today. This morning when I went for my walk, I was again directed to watch my posture...I felt as if I was being moved into proper position...and again the pain eased for a time, long enough to allow me to handwater the garden.

My focus must now be not The Pain, but The Wellness. And how to get there.


  1. I'm glad you've had even a few brief moments without pain.


  2. And so it goes, Butter, each and every day is different, sometimes relatively painless, and others where The Pain takes over.

    The good days are really great, though!