Wednesday, November 30, 2011


The Gardener
The last month has been rushed; with Graham not up to par, me becoming ill with a particularly vicious little bug who did not want to let go, there has been little time to write. 

Once, not so long ago, I would have taken any opportunity to write. I would surmise circumstances do take a toll, as one ages and gains a little wisdom from the results of pushing oneself too early into responsibilities, after a flu bug strikes.

There is one thing, however, which has given me peace and has kept me balanced...

Over the last while, for perhaps a couple of months, I have felt the increasing urge to draw faces. Of whom, I have no idea. But the urge is strong and I find myself drawing a face each and every time a pen and a piece of paper present themselves.

This is something very new to me. I am a painter of landscapes...drawing something is not a thing I have explored, letting alone drawing faces of people only I can see.
The Teacher
I am a doodler; a sketcher of wishes and dreams. The faces displayed here have been scanned. It seems blue ink does not scan as well as black and so much of the detail is lost. But there is much more character...lines and the faces than you see here.

And that is not something I would have thought I could do...fine detailing such as I have been doing would have been anathema to me, even just a few months ago. I did not have the patience.

But since the portals opened on October 28 and November 11, the urge to draw these fantastical faces, some of them, has grown stronger, if that could be possible. I find myself lost in time as yet another character appears beneath my pen.

The Librarian
And as well...I must tell you about the that has been recurring over and over for awhile. In the dream, I am in a classroom. The mood is joyous; it seems the entire class has passed a test, one that was particularly difficult. I do not feel as if I am singled out...I see my classmates and the figure whom I take to be the teacher, although he is vague. The dream becomes one so familiar, I  find myself sliding into it easily two or three times a week.

In the last dream, as I sat in my desk, putting papers was one of those old wooden desks we had in our elementary school, with the slanted top, pencil grooves and paste container hole, with scrolled metal sides...someone leaned over my shoulder. I remember being startled. No one had spoken to me before this.

I did not see him but I did feel his energy. He told me...Make sure you keep the drawings...

I did not think to ask why or what he was referring to. And in any case, I almost immediately woke up.

Keeper of the Hearth
After a cup of coffee, consultation with Graham and a very cold walk outside with Lucky, I concluded the fellow in my dream meant the faces I'd been drawing. There were no other drawings the dream man could have meant.

I had not been keeping any of the faces in order. They were took some time to gather them all up, learning to treat them with some respect, and scanning them. As I did this, I was astonished at how many there were.

It was as if I had drawn all these unknown faces in a dream, or at least without conscious effort. I had certainly not been giving them any respect...

I believe this is a lesson I had to re-learn. Once upon a time, years ago, I painted...mostly landscapes, as I've mentioned...and I took college Art classes for two years. It took almost six months in the class before I could take compliments on my work. Criticism was not difficult to take, but those who praised my work received short shrift.

The Poet
I knew I was not any good, you see, at painting. I took the classes only because I loved Art. I thought the people who actually paid money for my work were deluded.

This state of mind has its roots in a former high school Art teacher, who once told me I did chocolate box creativity there whatsoever. What I forgot, after a talk with the professor of my college Art classes, is that the high school teacher and I were at each other's throats, for much of the time I spent in his classes. And on a day where the World seemed too much for him, perhaps...on that day, he decided to lash out at his recalcitrant student.

I made an effort, after the talk with my professor, to look at my work with different eyes. I succeeded to a degree...but again, there was now someone in my life, my ex this time, who did not like my paintings or the time it took to do them, time taken from him...and once again, I let someone else decide the worth of my paintings. It was a very easy thing to do...I had not entirely shrugged off the
The Forester
idea that my paintings were worthless, even then. Having somebody corroborate that can see how easily I slid backwards.

After the dream, I remembered my conversation with the professor; I decided to let the feelings of worthlessness...because really, that is what it is...fall away. It was time to let garbage like this go. For good and all.

It really doesn't matter if the faces I draw are any good or not. I love drawing them.

The Baker
I don't know who these people are. They are figments of my imagination. It doesn't really matter...perhaps one day, I will actually meet someone who strikes a chord, someone who looks a little like these drawings.

The Universe works in strange, truly creative ways.

Without the dream, I know I would have continued to draw, but I would not have kept them or had any attachment to them. They would have been relegated to a pile somewhere, anywhere. I would not have recognized the passion I have only just re-discovered.

The Photographer
Perhaps I will have another which will tell me who these faces belong to.

These days, I wouldn't count that idea out...


  1. So glad you're back, Marion, and hope you and Graham both continue to feel better. I love the faces you're drawing--there's so much character in each of them--and whoever told you in your dream to keep them was wise indeed. It'll be very interesting to see where this new path leads you.

  2. oh marion! i love them!!! these are so beautiful! i am so glad you shared them here. the last one is taken by a camera? the details are... wow!

    i am having strange dreams too but i just dismissed them. i probably should be more attentive?

  3. The Gardener reminds me of my neighbour downstairs. He's not a gardener. We call him Mr. Footfall because he came upstairs and complained he could hear us walking on the floor. The Forester reminds me a lot of a face my best friend in college painted. It was a watercolour and a bit more stylized. I always loved that face. I never could draw faces. The detail always seemed too difficult. You have a knack for it. - Margy

  4. Linda,

    That adds to the excitement, I think, the wondering where this rediscovered passion of art will lead. I recall my father, an artist who owned his own gallery, telling me to never stop painting. But I did...I didn't even know I missed it so completely, until I began to draw these faces with just a ball point art supplies required! xx


    Heh, heh...I never did get around to sending you the Faces, I'm so sorry. But you see some of them here. Yes, the last one was made a huge difference, although he's a little skewed. It was kj's idea and it worked much better. Thank you, dear, for your continued support! xx

    Powell River Books,

    Gosh, Margy, the Gardener felt like he had super warm energy to me...and here he turns out to be much like your crabby neighbour!! How funny...and Graham mentioned that the Teacher looked much like my mother, until I countered that I thought he was male, hahaha! I think it is lovely that each face means or looks different to each viewer. The Forester did not scan well at all, I considered replacing him with another one, but I loved his face as well. Next time I will photograph him! xx

  5. chills.

    i can tell you who the teacher is. you have heard me speak of her for months now. i cannot believe what i am looking at.....

    as for your other faces, you must keep drawing and i'm so glad you know that. i'm so glad you can name them, know something of who they are and what they do. each is wonderful, marion. my favorite, excluding the teacher because the lessons have been tough, is the photographer. oh how he loves to capture the right moment, even with all his hard earned wisdom.

    much love marion. (oh my my my) (wow)

  6. For an art teacher, his comment flew in the face of your budding creativity, didn’t it? Although his poor communication skills might have simply meant to suggest thinking (or drawing) outside the box. Interesting that in your dream you felt approval. And interesting that these people you draw have talents that could be aspects of yourself. :)

  7. I've heard of automatic writing where the person writes without knowing what words will come out, but I've never heard of automatic drawing. You are most extraordinary, dear Marion.

  8. Marion, these are wonderful! Your excitement revels itself not only in your drawings, but in your words. Art - in every form - should be about exuberence, about the passion to create. I am thrilled for you.....

    I hope both you and Graham continue to feel stronger.....

    Love from *Down South*,

    ♥ Robin ♥

  9. The Forester looks wonderfully familiar. I think I know him. He didn't bring you a wooden fish by any chance, did he?

    Those things we can't explain, even to ourselves, oftentimes are dismissed as not being "real" or even important. I'm glad you're keeping on with the drawings and keeping them as well!

  10. kj,

    Really? how odd! I can imagine how it startled you!Thanks for your tip on photographing the faces; I took a photo of the last one and it worked out much better. Shall do that in future, I just really want to do this whole post all over again, so that the character of each would show better! Next time.

    Have a great weekend, kj, relax and write! xx

    aka Penelope,

    Wow. Your comments are always so amazing, thank you! The art teacher from high school and I were like fire and water...I was fire and he was water. Everything I did was not to his liking, although he made sure others were praised in my hearing. But yes, I think he did want me to think outside the box. But when I did, there was far more criticism.

    We just did not like each other. At one point, he threatened to spank me...I was 17. Good Grief. He was the first teacher I ever fought with...and the last. I'm just not a fighter. It was too odd that I did fight and argue with this man.

    I too thought it was interesting that I felt approval in the classroom in my dream. It kind of opened me up enough to actually post these faces and took away the feeling of "not good enough". Thanks, Maria!! xx


    Heh,heh...thanks, Jan! I think you are extraordinary as well, I don't ever see you being afraid of what people think!! xx

  11. Robin,

    I think of you often...we're on the same side of the continent, yet you are so much further south. But we are in the same time zone. And sometimes, your face will come up in my mind, and I know you are perhaps eating breakfast, lunch or dinner along with me. It's cool.

    Graham has an appointment with the lung specialist on December 16. We are both surprised at how quickly that happened. So it gives us some hope of proper treatment to come quite soon. xx


    Hahahahaha! I would love to receive a wooden awesome would that be! The Forester looks quite different in my drawing than the scanned one, yet still has that strength to him. Actually, he looks ready to take anyone on...I must have drawn him when I needed to find his strength for myself.

    Those dreams were very powerful; they came over and over again...I haven't had one since the gentleman spoke to me. Guess I finally got the message, heh! Obviously took awhile!

    One of the first ones I drew is a depiction of a closed fist and arm...lots of detail in that one, and then the faces began to appear. Just wish I were a psychologist who specializes in dreams! xx

  12. I think this is a wonderful post. First off, I love your drawings and I believe that you are shedding some old pain by drawing them and keeping them and showing them. it's wonderful to see.
    Teachers can have such an impact - positive and negative - on sensitive young people. now...looking back, it makes my blood boil to think of the insensitive way that some teachers lash out at their students. Sure, they are human too...but they have an obligation to nuture and support and yet with a few words they can break someone's spirit. it's happened to all of us at some point I'm sure. Some kids can shrug it off...some can't. Well, I'm glad you are drawing again and enjoying it.

    I'm also glad you are feeling better. Flu is nasty nasty nasty!! Keep well friend.

  13. Automatic drawing indeed!
    We knew a girl once who did the automatic writing but that is a blog post for another day.

    I really like "The Forester"

  14. marion, it is so exciting to hear your excitement at rediscovering the artist within you. love the way each drawing has a name. and the dream, well that is pretty incredible.

  15. Great drawings! And please don't stop. I like the simple one, "The Baker" -- so nice.

  16. Mim,

    You're does feel as if I have released something which was holding me back. I remember how, as a teen know-it-all, I treated that poor teacher, just because he wanted more from me than I was willing to give. Yes, it was a terrible comment, but it was probably deserved. I just couldn't shake it off...not till now. I'm so glad I did!

    I've spoken with so many people who, just as I did, base their abilities on someone who told them they would never be able to do a thing. How does another person know this? Yet we constantly base our creativity seeds on these negative comments we must be one of those 'tests' given to us by the Universe. Do we trust our selves, our intuition, or do we trust another who knows little about us? xx


    Lyle, I would love to read about that girl! Hope it won't be too long!

    When this illness happened with Graham, I thought of you and how inspirational you were when you became ill. Thank you...your way kept me upbeat! xx

  17. Sukipoet,

    This whole thing goes further and further every day. It truly feels as if I've unleashed this force. A force very powerful and strong...I am amazed it took this long to recapture, when I see how very GOOD it feels!

    I rarely look up a dream in the conventional sense, ie google it. I prefer to go by the emotions associated with it. But this dream, when I googled it, the interpreter tells me I am learning an important life lesson, symbolizing personal growth. Huh!!! I'm trying to incorporate the learning of life lessons with drawing, when I thought other life lessons I've had were so much bigger...

    Ah, well, this one was a joyous one, in any event! xx

    Daisy Deadhead,

    Yes. I like the Baker, too. She was one of the first to appear, with simple lines which showed her age and her peace with herself. She likes what she does! xx

  18. I'm so glad Brainie mentioned this entry, as I had somehow missed it in my blogroll! It makes me want to tell you something that happened to me when I was doing a psychic reading for my closest friend more than 20 years ago. I sat across from her, holding her hands in mine as I spoke to her, and her face kept transforming into a succession of different faces of people who looked familiar, yet I didn't know. When I asked my "teacher" about this, she said they were the faces of people my friend had been in past lives when we'd known each other. Cool, eh? Take from it what you will ...

  19. Dear Marion, How much I shared this journey with you. I must have had your h.s. teacher's evil, female twin. I let her opinion derail me for decades. Then, like you, I was buried in the negativity of life. How happy I am in my older and better life now.

    I like your faces very much, but more than that, I love how you have identified their role. The poet and the photographer are favorites.

  20. I can easily see your faces as dream images.

    It's tragic that we don't all get the encouragement we need from teachers and parents and such to pursue that which we love.

  21. Stubblejumpin' Gal,

    That's sooo AWESOME!!! I knew the faces were part of me could they not...but when men began appearing I couldn't connect. Your experience makes perfect sense to me, on many levels. My drawings lately include a young, hopeful girl, and a middle-aged lady...and now I'm beginning an old man. Almost like the card of the Moon in my Tarot Deck, if the man was a lady.

    Your experience must have been incredible! I have a feeling all of us on this blog have known each other, in other incarnations, as well. Thanks so much for your comment! Really cool! xx


    It's terrific when you can really see, very clearly, how another, especially in younger, less self-assured years, can chase you away from yourself, rather than towards knowing your inner spirit. It was like a boulder had dropped off my shoulders, when I began to keep the faces.

    I'm not sure of the poet's gender...he/she is terribly inner and shy. The photographer is male, a man of few words and more intent.xx


    Some of the faces are so different, almost caricatures of humans. Yes. Perhaps they are members of my dream class!

    I guess it depends on how we deal with the lack of encouragement. My h.s. teacher's comment sabotaged my artistic endeavours for years...I used his remark as an excuse,in a way, something to hide behind! xx

  22. Good to visit again and see a new venture. I doodle at times and have painted. I played the piano my former husband's friend gave us and miss having it around, not so much him though. Creativity calls and when we answer, our spirits soar. Least mine do. Keep drawing!

  23. Hi, Marion, just thought I'd drop by and see if you had any new posts up. I always look forward to your winter-weather posts because they make my own crappy weather easier to bear, but the question is, whose crappy weather to you look to for comfort?

  24. Sheila,

    So good to hear from you! I admired the creativity you showed on your blog in years gone by...(we've been blogging a long time, you and I!)But of course I understand how quickly life changes; other things take priority. If you want it,though, there'll be a piano in your life again.

    I hope you and family are well, especially your awesome grandson! xx


    "The weather outside is frightful, the fire is so delightful..." haha

    There are places with snowier climates. So far this year, we've been cold and dry, with little snow to speak of, although everything is covered in white. The snow is our water though, since rain is unusual, last year notwithstanding. I believe I'd rather have snow than this silent, unbelievable cold.

    There is a storm in the forecast, though...we have to travel to Kelowna...a six hour see Graham's lung specialist on Wednesday, so I hope the snow holds off until we get back! Winter driving is not an activity I particularly like, although I've become accustomed to it over the years...xx

  25. I am so sorry you have that long drive facing you. One reason--one of several--that I prefer the city is that I can bike to most places I want to go, but when I do need to drive, I never have to be in the car more than 20 minutes.

    "The snow is our water though..."

    That's true to an extent here as well, although the snow rarely falls in the city, but rather in the mountains where it melts and runs into the many reservoirs in late spring.

  26. Marion,
    I have not been able to leave comments here for a while, but will try again. As an artist I had to let go of other's opinions, long ago, but I still have to remind myself to do it :-).
    I believe that these people you are drawing are real, somewhere, maybe you get to meet a few one day, maybe not, but they are real, I can feel it :-).
    Have a most wonderful holiday!!!! xoxo

  27. Marion, you've been quiet lately. I miss your posts.