Frustration

I had a lesson in frustration this morning. My day was quickly spiraling into that downward path of impatience, where the way is rocky and treacherous, slippery and muddy…ending on a desolate plain.

The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotion and change… where one moment’s high is the next one’s low. Scott, Graham’s son, returned from his sojourn with Africa. He’s (Off to Africa) been in Cape Town for the last three months doing his practicum with Downhill Adventures.

So my emotional body was all out of whack, as was my physical body. My mental body was on overtime. Because I was not balanced, I was having difficulty connecting with my guides. I have not slept well in days. Time for myself was at a premium…I felt as if I was sitting on a powder keg with a lit fuse as I awoke this morning.

I did a quick morning’s meditation…I know it was better than none at all. There was, finally, contact with my guides. I felt empowered as I recognized Michael’s energy signature. I felt myself expand, feeling the river rush of energy that coursed through my body. And I felt the beginnings of balance in the spiritual, mental, emotional and physical bodies, where as Shaman Maggie teaches, a five on a score of ten on the balance beam is the place to be.

And then, in a relatively calm manner, I went about the day’s business, answering emails, etc., as in the normal course of the day. Except I was no longer solitary and had to shift back into working with the world carrying on its business right around me…It added some tension.

But I was ok with it…I had done it before, after all. It takes a little getting used to, is all…where you have to keep your mind on your work and one ear tuned to the rest. Mothers write like that all the time.

And then our connection to the internet went down, or whatever the term is when it doesn’t work. I was thankful for Scott's presence...he was able to deal with the service representatives of our cable company in a much better fashion than I did. But he was on the telephone for a couple of hours. Finally, they found the problem and helped Scott fix the connection.

But it only worked for a short time...

So I wrote on Word. But I could not research or check anything on the Internet. It was not attainable. I tried to stay balanced, conscious that it would be so easy to slip off the beam. My balance on this day was precarious at best. Impatience was, to be honest, getting the better of me.

Impatience, frustration, anger...all those lovely negative entities eating a wonderful gourmet meal, having themselves a heyday. As soon as I became aware of the fact that I was allowing the negativity to expand upon itself, I backed away from the computer. I had to think in a calm, balanced manner. And sitting in front of a non-working computer wasn't getting me there.

I can ground and centre myself really well in my garden, where all the perimeters of the beds are done with rocks, stones and boulders. "Butt and ground" works really well...there are any number of rocks to choose from to park the bottom. Some of the boulders are as big as benches, not that that has anything to do with anything.

So a walk around the garden was definitely called for. By this time, my frustration was showing...it's never a pretty sight. I wanted negative energies to dissipate. I followed that intention, as I wandered in and out of the garden paths. I concentrated on hearing, feeling, smelling the scents of spring...the bird song, the newly turned earth, the feeling of expectation.

And slowly, peacefulness and calm entered me, once again. Along with resolve.

I called the service representative once more. All it took was for me to unplug and replug a few connections...the rep was very patient and polite. His manner is one I aspire to; even after I warned him my knowledge of things computerese was fairly non-existent (and tested the fairly part) he continued to instruct me in a slow and calm way, until the job was done.

A couple of years ago, I would have let my frustration colour my whole day with woe. I did not have the tools then to re-balance myself, to work at peace and serenity. Sometimes when I spiral into some negative emotion, as I did today, it takes a bit of time before I am aware of what is happening.

But I am learning. And it's working, far better than I imagined anything ever could. The properties of Shamanism really worked for me today. Does this mean the negativity will never reappear? No. What it means is that the more I practice, the more aware I am of unbalanced emotions, the sooner I can deal with them.

Awareness is the key.