Thursday, March 30, 2006

Layers of Memories

As I began the process of uncovering the layers of memories generated by the Old Box (a process that took several days...procrastination is no stranger to me), I discovered each time I approached the task, it was in fear of the negative memories contained within.

What if I approached it from a different perspective? What if I changed my fear to joyous anticipation of the wonderful stories contained in each photo or clipping? How about if I remember that at the moment the picture was taken, the majority of them were taken at a happy time?

Instead of propelling myself into future troubles with each photo, what if I stayed in the moment the picture was taken? Letting all those negative bodies feed on the bad energies created by sad or angry emotions disgusts me. It negates all the work I've done to find a healthy, balanced way of living.

The first layer consisted of memories of Gus...and his story evolved into memories of Lucky and Nate's youthful times. Happy times. Throughout Gus's life, a whole series of events occurred that could have taken over the actual memory of Gus in the picture. But I took each picture; I looked hard at the backgrounds and at Gus...and I marvelled at how handsome he looked in his youth, the wisdom in his eyes, how young the people with him were.

To be sure, in that Old Box, there are many pictures of people and pets and places that are no longer part of my life. But they were when the photos were taken. And facing them and the part they played on the roadmap of my life ultimately makes me take a look back at me. At that frightened, confused and angry young person I was. The shame I felt when I was drinking. The guilt, sadness and grief of losing my daughter.

But it also will show how much I loved my family. How I cared for and nurtured them and how happy they all looked. How I did the best I could, with the tools I had at the time.

There can be no sludge soup (Cats, Kittens, and More Cats) left for surprise ammunition for negative entities to use against me in my journeys. There can be no fear. The person I was in these pictures is the same person I am now, only older and wiser, having learned the lessons absorbed in my younger years.

I have a different persective of life now than I did even just a year ago. Evolution is occurring at a rapid rate. And the change in my outlook is because I lived those memories...they made me the person I am today. One who strives for authority, impeccability, clear intent, and no fear.

And no procrastination, either.

No comments:

Post a Comment