Friday, April 25, 2008
If I don't love myself, if I don't experience loving myself unconditionally, then I will not know how to love others. I can't give what I don't have.
After reading Talking To Nightlights post this morning, and taking the subsequent link to Anita's NDE interview, this is what struck me the most. It is an amazing story; you will do yourself a service if you read it.
It is so simple, really. I can't give what I don't have.
I have heard this before, but never with the clarity with which I absorbed it this morning. I can be caring and loving...all the right things...but unless I love myself, the whole of myself...body, mind and Spirit, accepting each and every thing about myself, past and present...unless I experience it towards myself, how can I know what love is?
Having recently moved to a different part of the Province, there are myriad appointments that must be made...with a new Doctor, Dentist, Lawyer, Banker, Massage Therapist...the list goes on. And each of these appointments spawns a whole series of new ones...hospitals, drugstores, and specialists. Then there are all the new services...we have a well and septic system, which requires care; we want to build, which requires new contractors.
And each time I must explain myself and what I require. This is not an easy endeavour for me, at times...it depends upon how I feel about myself, at that particular moment. If I am not feeling loving towards myself, I will project that lovelessness to others, who will feel that negative energy. The whole project, whatever it is, can go sour from that first instant.
I notice, however, if the opposite occurs, if I am feeling good and loving towards myself, I project that same energy to others. Each time, what I give out comes back to me.
Loving myself can change circumstances. It gives self-power. It changes realities.
With arthritis, a disease which can continue to worsen over time, I have accepted the fact it is a part of me...a part of my body, which struggles at times with pain. And I told my doctor ( medical personnel continually want to try a drug or another, to alleviate swelling, etc.) it was not so bad, really...I have grown accustomed to it.
I spoke softly, but with strength, when I gave my new doctor the news that I would continue to monitor pain, use massage therapies and other alternative methods...but I would not try out any more new drugs.
I can still feel the hives from the last experiment.
Had I not read Anita's story, I would have felt apologetic about my body's lack of tolerance...I would have felt sorry for even having arthritis.
Instead, I felt proud and loving of the way my Body, Mind and Spirit had dealt with it. And my new doctor and I have a relationship where we are equal partners.
Once upon a time, I felt loving myself was selfish. And I continued to bash myself, to unequivocally take the blame...for pretty much anything. Even as I write these words, I feel the negativity trying to take hold.
You see, if my belief is that all Beings are One, and if I don't love myself...then I cannot love others, either.
It all goes back to wanting to be able to give what I know I have.