Time passes so quickly these days. Have you noticed? One day melts into another, phasing quickly into weeks and months.
As I look back over the events in the past, the difficult times are easier to remember. I wonder why this is so. There has been much joy in my life as well and yet...
I learned more lessons from the vicious times. The joys made me grateful and happy and I may have taken them for granted. An eternal optimist, I felt life was supposed to be full of joy. It wasn't supposed to be full of anguish.
When travails happened, as they surely did, no matter my optimism, I became confused. Why? What did I do to incur the wrath of the Universe? And surely, surely...there would be no more sad moments. I was done with that. Wasn't I?
I read somewhere most people have at least one life crisis, during their lifetime. After my first marriage broke apart and I weathered that Storm, I pledged to do and be the best I could be in my second marriage. Surely I had learned my lessons, had I not?
Time passed...one day melting into another.Two decades of days and months and years. Many joys occurred during this long period of time... these memories are where my mind lingers today. They bring a fullness to my heart and a smile to my face.
There was anguish as well. Alcoholism became a crutch, for a few years, which at the time felt like a forever sentence. The death of a daughter and the death of a marriage...one Storm of anguish melted into another. Days, months and years were spent trying to find healing, trying to find where I had gone so wrong.
Time, once again, came to the rescue. Time and excruciatingly honest, hard work on the deeply buried inner me. But time, during this period, moved so slowly. I remember. I remember counting the minutes, the hours, sometimes.
My mind no longer lingers on this period. I worked hard. I learned. I held nothing back, taking each part of myself and examining it minutely. And finally, I understood.
Now, I feel as if the past was all a very hazy dream. As the rest of my life...the future...is, today. And if I dream well from here, if I take the lessons learned from the nightmares and apply them with gusto...well, then, doesn't it follow the dreamed future will be less difficult and more joyous?
During the nightmare, I dreamed of a future very similar to the one I am living now. I had Time, after all, to do so. It was a very specific plan, and I never deviated from it. Faith in an unknown future, where the World gave happiness instead of pain, became uppermost in my thoughts.
I am happy, today. And so, it seems the days pass quickly. It is only when I obsess wildly, or am upset about a thing, that the minutes seem to crawl. Crawling minutes are alright, as well, if I learn something from them.
I find it strange. When I want to hold on to times of happiness, they pass so quickly. When I want to move on, when I am anxious or upset, those times go so slowly.
Living in today, however, I don't need to remember the horrors of the past. They have shaped me...and here I am. The joys I celebrated are tucked in a very accessible area of my heart. I revisit them often.
And I don't need to worry about the future, because my dreams project contentment and happiness and wonderful joy...and because, really, only time will tell.
In the future, if the Universe throws a curve ball my Way, I will remember it is possible to find joy, always, once again.
And now, today, I will grasp each fleeting miracle, each small joy, and shelter it within my heart, as fuel for Hope during the less than times.
Pericles said..."Wait for that wisest of all counsellors, Time."
Guess he was right.