Tuesday, October 30, 2007

The List

I received an email from a friend of mine recently. She sent me Ten Guidelines from God, in which He states there are changes I have to make in my life, effective immediately. He apologizes for any inconvenience.

God, in his guidelines, tells me to quit worrying. He tells me that I must enjoy fretting over everything, since I seem to do it all the time...it has become a habit. He tells me I must have forgotten about Him and His promise to take my burdens and carry them for me.

He tells me to "put it on the List". He tells me, in no uncertain terms, that this List is His, not mine, and therefore He is the one who will take care of the problem. He tells me that He can't do anything about any worry I might have until I turn it over to Him. And then I have to remember to ask Him for help.

After this, God tells me to trust Him. He says once I have turned over my weaknesses to Him, I am not to take them back. Those problems are now His. And should those problems return, in some way, to me...I am not to hold it close to me anymore...I am to return it to His To-Do List. He will take care of it, in time.

But I think God knows me really well.

Because He then suggests I am to let Him do His job. In other words, I am to have Faith in Him. And I am not to go niggling at the problem, just to see if anything has changed. He tells I really do not know best...He does.

Then He asks me...How hard can trust be?

He says it's a really simple part, the one I play in this game of Life...all I have to do is have Faith He will look after my needs. All I have to do with my problems is to "put it on the List."

Hmmm.

There are more guidelines, in this email from Franca. But these first ones are the ones that are difficult for me to do.

But I've noticed something. I've noticed that a problem that is becoming obsessive and is keeping me awake nights...when it is placed on God's List, I feel relief. And peace.

It is acceptance of the situation that gives me that serenity. Before I can place anything on a List, I have to be sure I have done everything I can, used all the wisdom I have. Only then, when I am at the end of my rope, will I hand it over to Creator.

With health problems seemingly taking over my life these days, I sometimes feel totally consumed by trying to find ways to manage those problems. I read about RA, I try various therapies, I go see specialists...it seems as if this is all I do, lately. The latest thing is orthotics.

I am running out of options. It is close to the time when I will have to place what feels like an obsession on God's list. It is close to the time when I can no longer fight for former youth and better health. Instead, I am close to accepting the limitations my health places on me.
I have a feeling that as soon as I do, I won't notice those limitations as much.

Acceptance in this case will be difficult. I am still unable to let go that, perhaps, I will find some remedy that will allow me to be as active as I was just a few years ago. This is denial of the facts I have been presented with by doctors. But I tell them, when they tell me there is no cure, there might be...there just might be something that will help.



And I tell them...I am not looking for a cure. I am looking for manageability. I am trying to find the best way to live, with limitations.
I ask them...Can you fault me for this?

But I understand. Doctors, my doctor tells me, are programmed to heal, to find a treatment that works. And when they can't...it makes my doctor angry and frustrated. He is rarely able to accept his own limitations.

The other day I told him there were alternative treatments he may not know about. He agreed completely and wished me all the best in my search. He gave me the pros and cons...and if truth be told, it was mostly cons.

Nonetheless, I felt relieved. All those talks I've had with Creator have borne fruit. Inch by inch, so slowly it is hardly noticeable, He is giving me strength. Strength to take a stand, strength to have the courage of my convictions. He is giving me the courage to change the things I can.

And that's one of his other Guidelines. All things will happen in His time, not mine. He sees the whole picture...His view of the World, He tells me, is not one I would want...and all I have to do is trust him. He will get to my to-do List.

He reminds me, once again, that events in my life have fallen into place, over and over again. When it was the right time for whatever it might be, there was almost a free fall of events happening...like a jigsaw puzzle, with the missing pieces suddenly finding their rightful place.

I think he's talking about patience.

And that's another one of his Guidelines.

And a whole other post!

10 comments:

  1. Please God, give me patience. And give it to me NOW.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "I am not looking for a cure. I am looking for manageability" .... and acceptablility. I agree Marion.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beautiful post. All of the things you mentioned are hard to do, especially in today's society, but they work.
    God has reminded me about "the list" more than once - sometimes by giving me a gently nudge, other times by dropping a brick on my head. Okay, I'll admit it...more often than not, he has to drop a brick on my head.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jan,

    LOL. Exactly!

    Java,

    I've gotta accept where I am, today. It's a whole lot easier than coming up against those brick walls constantly!

    Joe,

    You get those bricks on the head, too? I thought it was just me, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  5. how i wish sometimes that i believed in god, any god, someone else's or one of my own making, anyone that might take my burdens over, and then i remember that they are MY burdens and i can put them down just as easily as i picked them up and that kind of acceptance makes me feel ok again.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think you must continue to search.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Pauline,

    I'm glad you've worked it out. I believe in a higher power, a Creator, but I don't know that I can put a face to him/her. When I talk to Creator, I visualize more of a strong light that comforts. It is indeed personal to everyone.

    Sheila,

    I intend to keep searching. More and more is being discovered today about RA. I just have to find what works for me...and realize that just because I want it now, perhaps there is something else that I have to learn first.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Trust yourself and nature.

    ReplyDelete
  9. We all must have the same list from God for it sounds like the same list that I have. Giving all over to God (the universe) is the most difficult. Until we realize that we are all part of God, then we are able to give our needs, our wants, and our desires over to every soul in exsistence. We have to keep our eyes and ears and hearts open to all the information that comes our way, no matter how subtle it is.
    Limitations, is an opportunity to experience new beginings. When we are limited to a certain way of life then we have to again, listen and look for something that will benefit us in the capacity we are able to take and then we grow and our faith becomes stronger.
    But first and foremost we have to LOVE. Love is the answer, love of self first and then the love of others is the natural flow. Let our divinity take over.
    I guess this is Let go and Let God.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Davem,

    Thank you...very good words of advice.

    Dave,

    Lol. You're right...let go and let God. I should have that drilled into me by now, you would think!

    Love of self...it took me many years before I could figure this one out!

    ReplyDelete

Google