The List

I received an email from a friend of mine recently. She sent me Ten Guidelines from God, in which He states there are changes I have to make in my life, effective immediately. He apologizes for any inconvenience.

God, in his guidelines, tells me to quit worrying. He tells me that I must enjoy fretting over everything, since I seem to do it all the time...it has become a habit. He tells me I must have forgotten about Him and His promise to take my burdens and carry them for me.

He tells me to "put it on the List". He tells me, in no uncertain terms, that this List is His, not mine, and therefore He is the one who will take care of the problem. He tells me that He can't do anything about any worry I might have until I turn it over to Him. And then I have to remember to ask Him for help.

After this, God tells me to trust Him. He says once I have turned over my weaknesses to Him, I am not to take them back. Those problems are now His. And should those problems return, in some way, to me...I am not to hold it close to me anymore...I am to return it to His To-Do List. He will take care of it, in time.

But I think God knows me really well.

Because He then suggests I am to let Him do His job. In other words, I am to have Faith in Him. And I am not to go niggling at the problem, just to see if anything has changed. He tells I really do not know best...He does.

Then He asks me...How hard can trust be?

He says it's a really simple part, the one I play in this game of Life...all I have to do is have Faith He will look after my needs. All I have to do with my problems is to "put it on the List."

Hmmm.

There are more guidelines, in this email from Franca. But these first ones are the ones that are difficult for me to do.

But I've noticed something. I've noticed that a problem that is becoming obsessive and is keeping me awake nights...when it is placed on God's List, I feel relief. And peace.

It is acceptance of the situation that gives me that serenity. Before I can place anything on a List, I have to be sure I have done everything I can, used all the wisdom I have. Only then, when I am at the end of my rope, will I hand it over to Creator.

With health problems seemingly taking over my life these days, I sometimes feel totally consumed by trying to find ways to manage those problems. I read about RA, I try various therapies, I go see specialists...it seems as if this is all I do, lately. The latest thing is orthotics.

I am running out of options. It is close to the time when I will have to place what feels like an obsession on God's list. It is close to the time when I can no longer fight for former youth and better health. Instead, I am close to accepting the limitations my health places on me.

I have a feeling that as soon as I do, I won't notice those limitations as much.

Acceptance in this case will be difficult. I am still unable to let go that, perhaps, I will find some remedy that will allow me to be as active as I was just a few years ago. This is denial of the facts I have been presented with by doctors. But I tell them, when they tell me there is no cure, there might be...there just might be something that will help.

And I tell them...I am not looking for a cure. I am looking for manageability. I am trying to find the best way to live, with limitations.

I ask them...Can you fault me for this?

But I understand. Doctors, my doctor tells me, are programmed to heal, to find a treatment that works. And when they can't...it makes my doctor angry and frustrated. He is rarely able to accept his own limitations.

The other day I told him there were alternative treatments he may not know about. He agreed completely and wished me all the best in my search. He gave me the pros and cons...and if truth be told, it was mostly cons.

Nonetheless, I felt relieved. All those talks I've had with Creator have borne fruit. Inch by inch, so slowly it is hardly noticeable, He is giving me strength. Strength to take a stand, strength to have the courage of my convictions. He is giving me the courage to change the things I can.

And that's one of his other Guidelines. All things will happen in His time, not mine. He sees the whole picture...His view of the World, He tells me, is not one I would want...and all I have to do is trust him. He will get to my to-do List.

He reminds me, once again, that events in my life have fallen into place, over and over again. When it was the right time for whatever it might be, there was almost a free fall of events happening...like a jigsaw puzzle, with the missing pieces suddenly finding their rightful place.

I think he's talking about patience.

And that's another one of his Guidelines.

And a whole other post!