I was very young when I first started exploring spirituality. I went through all the childhood things...having secret friends, talking to my guardian angel...I didn't know who my angel was, but I'd read that everyone had one. During the teen years, there were the inevitable occult experiences everyone talked about, wondered about. Early adulthood brought Castaneda, freedom and the desire to live life a different way.
There were strategic times that a teacher would appear, although I didn't recognize them as such, in my youth. Only in hindsight can I see that I would meet people who would help me with each crisis or circumstance as they happened. I was not aware or knowledgeable enough to realize when I prayed, to whomever at that time, I was being heard. And I was being carried without knowing it.
My spirituality took a giant leap when I joined AA. I was surrounded by people who believed in a Higher Power. And then I went through Women in Recovery, a programme that had just started when I quit drinking. For six weeks we were taught a different way, one that included journalling and prayer every day. Prayer here was much different than I had been taught. It included smudging, fires, candles and meditation. This recovery programme taught us to speak with whoever or whatever we wanted, during our meditation period.
We learned a little about awareness, about how Mother Nature plays such a large part in our learning, that she sends messages that would help us, if we could only understand. We were taught about alternative healing methods, and I became enthralled. This was what I had been looking for.
I started to read everything I could about the meaning behind my life. This was before I owned a computer. It seemed as if relevant books just appeared and I devoured them all. Tarot cards helped a great deal as I embarked on this inner journey. They gave me direction, and forced me to look deeper inside with each question asked. Those cards did not let me live with denial.
Because of the cards, I learned to face truth...to some degree. This whole voyage has evolved by degrees. But through it all, on looking back, I can see how one thing led to another, orchestrated by a Power I did not know or understand at the time. The call had been sent; it was up to me as to whether or not I would answer. But first, I would have to understand and hear it.
The way was paved by synchronistic events. So many that even I, a dreamy Pisces, began to notice them. And eventually, as time went on, I discovered that asking for something, or praying, always brought it to me. I might have to wait awhile; but it never failed. Were my thought patterns predicting my future? Were good thoughts sent to the ether giving me good things and were negative thought forms giving me bad experiences?
What was it all about?
My personal life was in upheaval... had been for a few years, even before my daughter died. I've decided my contract in life included these experiences in order to understand other people's pain. Going through them wasn't pleasant, but necessary, if Shamanism is the path I am meant to take. My friend Jerr had an uncanny way of predicting, if I continued on a course, what would happen. It was because he had already experienced whatever event it might be; and therefore was familiar with the twists and turns. The wounded healer. I am an expert with the wounds, now I am learning the healing.
There were many big events to learn from...two divorces, many deaths, my child's death, alcoholism, births. Eventually, as the wheel turned, I learned. And was rewarded with a certain amount of serenity and peace, as another transition took place. Gray and I embarked on a new life, this time together.
I had time and intent now to explore my spirituality. I became a student of The College of the Sacred Mists. Shamanism was introduced as more than a vague subject to me there. It was suggested that perhaps I had been given the call to walk the Shaman's path ( an article by Monica King in The American Chronicle entitled On Shamanism gives a concise view of what Shamanism is).
And that was when Shaman Maggie appeared, as I was surfing the web one day. Her site carried a message, it seemed, that was directed at me. I signed up. Even though everyone has free will, I felt this path was the only choice for me...I could have fudged around for a few more years, as I tried to find....something... but it was done.
Now I see synchronicity when it happens, am becoming aware of how life works if I heed the messages given. I am learning a different language...one where the appearance of a hawk and eagle on the same day signifies spirit is sending a message.... one where I am told the time is right to follow missions and dreams, and that courage and purpose are being sent. I am learning to have total faith in my guides, and in messages sent in dreams and visualizations.
This is the path I will walk, with intent and impeccability, for the rest of my life. And as I stumble along, sometimes clutching and clinging to stones and branches as I go, I will be given the tools I need to advance. This I know.