Wait 'Till Payday

I awoke this morning hearing, on the Radio, that the lumber mills in the City of Williams Lake had shut down, due to the economic downturn.

A rush of old Fear enveloped me...an old Fear which had attached itself to me at a time in my life when my livelihood depended on the Forestry Industry.

In my twenties, during strike years or simply during the periodic shutdowns of the mills and logging divisions in my town, I had only my background to draw upon. I had grown up with strikes, layoffs and shutdowns.

It was a way of life, back then...but along with the reality of this life I was living came Fear. Was the next pay cheque going to be large enough...was there going to be a next pay cheque at all?

I learned self-sufficiency, as we all do, in really tough times. My children grew up on homemade porridge...served with mixed powdered milk and fresh. Often, there were pancakes for dinner. I canned all the fruits and vegetables I could, being lucky enough to have friends with excess produce...and determined enough that my family have proper nutrients, even in the worst of times.

My first ex-husband hunted game and fished; I learned to use bones and such to make broths and soups and stews.  I learned to use rice and potatoes and pasta in many, many different ways...knowledge I still use to this day.


It was the only way I could live,at a young age with Fear attached to me, like an Octopus with its prey. I had to fight back. I had to learn to live up to the circumstances which the Universe had presented to me.



I managed; but Fear, with its insidious Fingers, fastened itself deeply, hiding from view...until this morning.


Cycles continued, during my life...bad times and good. Fear, for all the harm it does, propelled me ever onwards on my quest to find an economic balance in my life. Finally, I faced him down, pushing him as far away from consciousness as I could.


I thought I had relaxed; I thought it was now time to enjoy the ride...


But along the way, there were a few things I had to work on before I found that balance. It took many years, but I was finally able to separate the wants from the needs. I discovered the wisdom and knowledge to do so had been there all along, in a very convoluted way.

As a child, living more by my wants than my needs, I would request a toy or a piece of candy or an ice-cream cone.  I would be told...Wait until payday.


Well. More often than not, I would forget all about the object of my desire by the time payday rolled around.It was obviously not required for the wellness of my Being. But it gave my childish mind Hope...at some point, I would receive this thing I had my heart set upon.


Sometimes, as well, it seemed like a long time between paydays. Desire fades, if its not fed.


My mother and I spoke about the 'wait 'till payday' response, not long before she died.  She said...I would always remember what you had asked for, but you didn't.  And the money was never really there for me to remind you...


I said...You didn't say No...you gave me Hope instead. And perhaps, that was all I really wanted.

And now, in uncertain times when only my faith in Creator is for sure, that Old Man Fear rears his ugly face, spitting and snarling gleefully at me.


Well, once again, I intend to face him down, close the door on his gruesome Mug.


Once again, with economic hardships facing us all, I will stand and face the future using my own resources and Hope, intuitively knowing all my needs will be met.


I'm not so sure about my wants.

I guess I'll just have to wait until payday.

Making Do

With the uncertainty in the financial sector of the World, I find, when I shop, there is little else people talk about.

I shop in small, locally owned markets. Opinions are rife with apprehension, amongst the shoppers. The apprehension shows in their purchases, as well...people seem to be keeping their monies close to their chests.

I stood next in line to an older lady, the other day. And, as an aside to the debate swirling around us, she said...It feels like I've been here before.

My mind on the opinions being expressed by the two gentlemen ahead of me, I managed a distracted...Oh?

She leaned closer to me and in a low tone she said...Yes.  It feels like the thirties. We didn't know it was happening until it happened.

My attention captivated, I turned to her. She said...There were six of us kids.  My Dad brought us all together, explained there was no more money, and that we would have to make do with what we had.

She shrugged...I was young, I didn't understand why way back then.  All I knew was, it happened so quickly. It seemed like one day I had a surprise from the City now and then...and then there were no more.  For a long time.

By now, the rest of the shoppers in the small store were listening, their fearful expectations of a coming financial catastrophe put aside for the moment.

Her voice still low, her eyes focused far off in some distant time, she said...We grew our own food, mostly. I don't remember going hungry, I never worried about that.  It could be my parents did...she laughed...But us kids were more worried about the toys we were sure other kids had in abundance.

My Dad, she said...My Dad told us just because we wanted something didn't mean we needed it.

She smiled...I've remembered that all my life.

As I paid for my purchases, I thanked her for her story, and asked if I could write about some of it. She waved her hand at me and said...It's not an unusual story...everybody who went through those times has one just like it!

Humans are resourceful and creative...she said...Now if we could just get rid of the Greed. We had to find ways to use and reuse some things. But, you'll see, we'll all make it through, just as we had to back then...

I pondered over her story, on my way home.  I'd told her my granddaughter had told me the same thing...do I need an object, or only desire it...years ago.  And I'd said it was surprising how such a simple question could have such impact, during financial stress.

It is difficult sometimes to live up to that old saying. In good times, it is easy to indulge myself, to buy some item which is not necessary for survival.  But in uncertain times...it takes the worry over a purchase away. It gives perspective.

Just as the other old saying I'm hearing a lot these days does...Use and Reuse. And another lady told me the other day if she bought the item she was contemplating, she would have to choose what to give away from the items she already owned. 

In the end, she walked away,without buying, with a rueful grin.

I like what I have, she said...I can't figure out what to discard...

I returned my item as well.

After all, I only desired those sheets...I didn't need them. The sheets I had still had another season left...I couldn't have thrown them out...or even justify using them as dust cloths.  Not yet.


With so much uncertainty in the World, I find it feels so much better to make do with the items I already own.


Making do...in times like these, it takes a little of the fear of economic troubles away.