Today, at noon, I go for another therapeutic massage. When I tell people I use massage as a healing tool, they tend to comment on how lucky I am, how much they would like to receive a massage once a month. But when massage is used the way Sherri, at Healing Hands massage therapy clinic, uses it on me, to help me heal, to put my muscles back to where they should be...it hurts. A lot.
So, as I awoke this morning, I was filled with apprehension. I almost cancelled, but I am stuck...right after the therapy, I have to visit my doctor. Two whammies in a row...my doctor will want to know the details of the massage, and how I am progressing with it. And it is my responsibility to my physical body to continue to search for a solution to the chronic pain I am in.
I seem to be stuck at a point in my recovery where progress seems slow...almost non-existent. Due to financial and time constraints, I go for massage therapy only once a month. When I was going twice a week, progress went quickly, noticeably changing the pain I felt to something that I was able to bear. But during the last month or so, the aches have settled in once again, with a vengence, it seems.
It's been almost two years since the pain began. Starting with sciatic nerve pain from two bulging discs; the pain escalated to my hips and groin. Then, after testing, we discovered that my bone mass is deteriorating, giving the medical experts the opinion that osteoporosis and arthritis were the culprits. But there was another specialist I should see, or another test I should take, before a decision was made...and on and on.
This pain is not new to me...the length of time it has lasted, without let up of intensity, is. And because of the great amount of time it takes here to get a specialist's opinion, I still don't know what I'm treating or what my body needs that it is not getting. But, in my humble opinion and it has no medical background, The Pain originated with a bad car accident I had when I was 18. I was in hospital for a long time after that, with many broken and cracked bones. It was a long road to rehabilitation.
I have to rely on my intuition, my guides, rather than a set of medical guidelines. My intuition led me to Sherri Kerr. It was one of the most pro-active moves I could have made...any other therapist would not have taken me as a patient, as I couldn't lie flat on the table at first. She used her expertise and her healing hands to massage and work me into place. It took many sessions to get to where I am now...I walked twelve blocks the other day.
When I first saw Sherri, I couldn't walk...I hobbled, with a cane.
Today, Sherri works on my upper body, pushing and manipulating my body back into alignment. I don't know what she does...I keep my eyes closed...but I help her as much as I can, through the pain. I ask for help from my guides, send myself Reiki, breathe, use colour therapy, use visualizations of the area where Sherri is working...anything I can think of.
Sherri works hard, she's extremely strong. When she tells me to relax my shoulder with some urgency, I comply and relax into her hand...she tells me I almost broke her thumb by tensing at that particular moment. It is really hard to relax throughout pain that is already happening and also to relax into the idea that this pain is only going to get worse, in a few short seconds. When she tells me about her thumb, I'm awed by the power of the human muscle structure that wants to stay where it is, to my detriment or not.
It takes an hour. Sherri's hands give off enormous heat, she knows how much I hurt. My legs feel weak. I feel as if I have been hit by a truck. But the abnormal hurt I felt when I came in here is not there. Now I feel as if I had taken a very long, arduous hike, or as if I had worked in the haying fields of my youth all day. The twisted muscles, the ligaments that have wrapped and tangled together...that pain is gone. I expect it back; the benefits of this session will last about 2 weeks. But Sherri tells me I am getting much better...she is able to work on specifics now, whereas before she couldn't get near them. And she tells me my spine is straight.
Nobody told me being pro-active was going to be easy.