Bubbles of Joy

On the bridge over the Fraser River

I find it so incredible that Thanksgiving is once more just around the corner. Where did the last months of 2011 go?

Soon, it will be Christmas! And then New Year's Eve...and the year 2011 will drift away into the past.


Years ago, when I was in my teens, I wondered where I would be when I was in my sixties. I didn't realize, at that age, how quickly the years pass...and that I would be here, in my dotage, before I knew it.

The Williams Lake Stampede Grounds

And really,I couldn't grasp the fact that each day would quickly recede in my memory, into the mists of Time. In my youth, I truly thought I would remember each and every moment...of heartache, grief, intense joy and anger.

I do remember the dramatic, life-changing occasions...yet the details, the fine-tuning that occurred, what I did to learn the lesson that had been presented to me...those have mostly left me.

Williams Lake

Sometimes, something will come up, however, in conversations or events that jog pieces of memories I've buried deeply. Dreaming also reminds me of choices I might have made throughout the moments, days and years of my life.

Not all of those choices were correct...in fact, many of them weren't. And these are the ones that come up, during quiet or even not so quiet, moments. It seems quite strange to me...I thought I had put the past completely to rest.

The beautiful, green Chilko River

But every once in awhile, a sharp dagger inserts itself into my heart...a dagger which reminds me a former decision may have had severe consequences...maybe not so much for me, but for others in my life.


It is quite like an awakening.

Pelicans! Photo taken from information booth

I've learned something, though, with all these old thoughts and decisions I made years ago trumpeting their way back into my mind. This time around, when those past actions return to haunt me, I actually am able to face them, to unravel them, to allow the hurt to appear, to forgive others and myself, and then to let them go.


Something I quite obviously did not do the first time around, when these events actually happened. I'd guess the actions required to reach forgiveness were not done at the time.

Information Booth

It seems to me, during this flood of folderol which moves through my senses, I am happier after I've let some relatively small thing go...and so, as these past events assault me now, I have learned travelling to the other side...the forgiveness side...well, it might be difficult for a few moments, but once it's done...there are bubbles of sheer joy which flow throughout.


So even if time passes so quickly and memories fade with its passage, it seems events which turned out badly, if they haven't been dealt with, will come back...at the age of sixty, or seventy or even older.

Hay field in the Chilcotin

I know a lady who is 95 years young, with an inoperable cancer. She told me she lived her life in pure denial. Every time harsh words were spoken, every time an accident occurred, she would take the words or the accident and shove them deeply inside. So deeply, in fact, that more often than not, she never thought of them again.


Until now. With a laugh, my friend told me it was impossible to get away with anything...those deeds that were hidden in a bottomless void in her mind eventually caught up with her.


At the age of 95.


Thanksgiving, of course, returns each and every year. As I write this, I try and remember past holidays, specific things about Thanksgiving. I cannot. They all meld into one. 

An old barn in the Chilcotin District

This is the thing, though. I am not in control of when the troubling past returns for me to deal with. I wish I was...hurting thoughts, from the past, can engulf me at the most inopportune moments. And then, I can find myself reacting to something in an angry or emotional manner. I find my reaction is fuelled from a past event...and not the present one at all.


It's a really good thing to know...

I feel much lighter these days, those bubbles of happiness much more prevalent.


This year, we will travel to the Coast for another Thanksgiving with the family. This year, I will go with a little more awareness of what makes me tick.


The years pass by so quickly, as if life were all a dream.

The Sun, Clouds and a green Orb!

Perhaps one day, in the near future, I will awaken completely, to a life no longer held back by dark, slimy sludge.


Sounds pretty good to me...


Happy Thanksgiving! May your day be filled with good thoughts, from the past and the present!