Friday, February 08, 2008

Sold! And Now...?

There is a first time for everything; this is the first time I have sold a home without having another home ready to be moved into.

When the Sold sign went on the For Sale sign, it was with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I was happy to see it...that sign meant I would be joining up with Graham very soon.

On the other hand, it meant I was no longer the owner of this particular Home. All along, there have been wee pricks of reality, reminders that I was travelling a Road where I would definitely end up leaving this Home. But in my usual fashion, I ignored them, going on day by day as if nothing had changed, even packing up without really allowing myself to grasp the fact I was, indeed, leaving for another part of the country.

In about three weeks. To a part of the country where I have no home, house, trailer or cabin to move into. You see, if I think about moving too much, invariably my mind's eye wants to know where I am moving to...where will this chair sit or that desk go?...and there are no answers.

In my imagination, there is only a grey mist depicting my future home.

A Sold sign, as Graham says, kind of tells me, in no uncertain terms, that I have gone too far along this particular Road to turn back. I laughed when he said it; how much more obvious could that be...and yet, denial is a strange, weird thing. Awesome in its terrible power.

I have a wondrous ability to do everything that requires doing, regarding the Move, while at the same time, closing out the truly painful part of the whole thing. I have done this throughout my life; it is an epiphany of sorts...to realize I put off facing my true feelings and reality, until they become too large and omnivorous to ignore...but not one that is unfamiliar.

However, Creator has decided it was time to realize, fully and completely, this part of me. There is no Home in the offing, for me to further concentrate upon, to further stuff pain away...

There is only Now.

This day...this hour...this minute. I am reminded of page 449 in the Big Book...everything is exactly the way it is meant to be, right now.

My mind switches to Gratitude.

I have had time to hear my Grandson's first words...he says "Delicious!", amongst others. I have managed to keep steady my relationship with my Granddaughter, who is presently changing and maturing at a rapid rate, so fast it is difficult for me to keep up with her interests. I have realized and accepted the Love between Bree and I will not wane, even through the Turbulent Teens.

It has become wildly apparent to this Mother that her Daughter is a balanced, wise Adult, very well able to handle her own affairs, without me managing and controlling and advising. Quite often, these days, it is the other way around. When I complained about moving to a Motel Room, she said it would give me time to know Williams Lake, to wander around, take pictures and find my way along the misty Road I'm on.

Hmmm. She sounds like someone I am beginning to know a bit better...a little like me.

Heidi will live her life, using some of my teachings, some from Life, and some from other Mentors. No longer is it all in my Hands. The image I have of her as forever around the age of sixteen is no longer relevant.

I placed the selling of this Home in Creator's and Grandfather Tree's hands, with total faith it would sell very quickly. And it did.

I asked for people who would love this old Home as much as I did. On one of my forever Walks with the Dogs, tiredness overcame us, and I sat on a pile of lumber in the front Garden. The future purchasers wandered over to me, and intuitively, immediately, before anyone else even understood... I knew these people were the New Owners.

While they were drawing up the offer for this Home, Eagle flew around Grandfather Tree three times, in concentric Circles, in full view of myself and a carpenter who was working on the new gate. Anxiety about any conditions applied to the offer disappeared.

The New Owners have similar ideas to ours for furthering the improvements on this Home. One of them is a Woodworker, and understands Trees and their needs. The other is a Healer/Teacher/Gardener...and her birthday is the same date as mine. The whole event of selling became, as our Realtor mentioned, a very serendipitous movement...very smooth and easy.

There is great Gratitude for my heightened awareness of spiritual messages, which has increased dramatically during this time. Relying on total intuition is not easy; it requires strong vigilance for the unusual and faith in Opening myself to whatever is at whatever moment.

It requires standing and facing down the fearful Ego...the one that envisions only problems ahead.

And so, as I pack up my office, I feel, mostly, at peace. Fear manages to force its way in, every once in awhile. I have only to remember the Sunrise, on the morning that Graham left for the Cariboo. I had given my new camera to Graham, and only had my older one. The colours in these photos have not been altered in any way, it was the most brilliant, luridly so, almost, Sunrise I had ever encountered.

A Sunrise that heralded a New Beginning, one which had the definite stamp of approval given by the Universe.

So...who am I to worry endlessly about a future home? This whole event has been fated to be; it is orchestrated by a far greater and more knowledgeable Hand than mine.

And how many more signs proclaiming all is as it should be could I reasonably expect? I have had too many to count already.

A Home will appear, just when I least think about or expect it. It is the way of things.

Seemingly.

18 comments:

  1. Marion,

    Beautifully written.

    It is all under control! I look forward to reading about your new home and "...where will this chair sit or that desk go?"!

    BFF,
    Miss T

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  2. Surrendering sounds so easy but can be so difficult. It sounds as though you have gotten a handle on it. Bless you.

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  3. Marion, as usual you have managed to capture your soul in words, placing them for all to see.

    I can not wait to hear more about your new home, and the journey you must take to get there.

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  4. You're on your way now, and a new adventure. I'm sure it will be a fantastic journey. Dont forget the grandfather tree cutting....not that you would. Good luck.

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  5. Marion,

    You have such a great attitude. For a control freak such as myself, it is good to read your blog and gain some understanding of letting go.

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  6. All in due time. A lovely post.

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  7. I am sure you will be happy you waited. You need to not only see pictures of a home to buy but to see and feel the vibes of the area the house is in. For instance to me a view is very important and how many trees there are (I must have tree lined streets LOL).

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  8. Miss T,

    So am I! I won't know which to tackle first, redecorating or gardening, when I'm in my new home. By the time we find a house, Spring will just be beginning in the Cariboo.

    I'm very thankful...I get to see two Springs this year!

    Seventh,

    My friend Ross Bishop, whose book Journey to Enlightenment I'm presently reading, says things are not a problem unless and until I choose to make them one.

    Opening my heart...surrendering...means totally trusting myself. Can be very scary, depending on the situation.

    PD,

    You and me both! I will move March 1...photo taking starts the next day, lol! You'll be inundated with tales of Williams Lake...you'll wish you'd never heard of the place, lol!

    Davem,

    Thanks for the reminder. I have my eye on two small seedlings who I think I might be able to acclimatize in a sheltered spot.

    As offspring from Grandfather Tree, they certainly will have strong adaptability traits. I will leave them in large pots for a couple of seasons, while I find just the perfect spot for these potential giants.

    Jan,

    Thank YOU for reading it. As for wanting to be in control...it is SO much easier to let go and let God...such a relief! It's the relief I seek that leads me to finally let go.

    Sheila,

    Thank you...and again, thank YOU for reading.

    Jackie,

    Me, too. But Graham and I both admire and respect the same things, so if he was to find a house, I would trust his instinct. And in the Williams Lake housing market...you snooze, you lose.

    That tree-lined driveway sounds awfully nice!

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  9. Thank you so much for this post. I am at a crossroad in my life and just last night was enveloped in fear and doubt and frantically searching for a sign to let me know that I'm on course. I kept thinking that if I'd made this decision instead of that, my life would be better/different somehow. Just reading that my life is perfect as it is comforts me.

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  10. That is what makes this journey so wonderful. Knowing that you can hand over all to spirit and let spirit guide you to where ever and what ever. It always brings to you to the spot that you are intended to be in. You have included us on your move and that is a nice gesture on your part. For your move is our move.

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  11. How exciting though to have on your horizon this new adventure!

    Good luck and many blessings to you!

    :-) Beth

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  12. A move is considered by some to be akin to losing a loved one as far as life-change impact is concerned. But with your attitude all will be well.
    We lived in a motel for 5 months in Oswego New York whilst waiting to buy a house in '81 (lender foot dragging was to blame-lock in that interest rate!). Fortunately I was working and the motel was on a neat canal off of lake Ontario; so, much boat travel involving locks was visible for entertainment.

    I wish you and graham the best in the new digs. It will be fun for you to scout around and find a place to call home. Best to ya.

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  13. GB,

    I am glad it helped. I fight so hard sometimes I forget where I am right Now. And right Now, everything is pretty good!

    Dave,

    Thank you...does this mean you'll come and lift some boxes that are fairly heavy? Lol

    I find my way to your blog when I am in need of peace...you have the quietest, most peaceful blog!

    Beth,

    I keep forgetting that true "adventures" come with lots of hurdles, as well as all the joys. This is a true adventure for me...guess I'd better accept both parts of it!

    Goatman,

    You're right...it is fun! Our Motel is right on the Lake, it will be different for me to watch the Ice break up. There is still a lot of Snow and Ice up there, but Graham says the amount is getting less and less, as Spring announces her arrival.

    I certainly hope I am not in the Motel for five months; Lucky and Nate are being boarded during this time, and I would miss the Boys.

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  14. I'm glad to hear that things are going so well, but then of course you are *allowing* them to go so well by keeping your hopes and fears out of the way and simply allowing things to take their natural course. Well done!

    There's an interesting couple of things you say in your responses: "Opening my heart...surrendering...means totally trusting myself. Can be very scary, depending on the situation" and also "it is SO much easier to let go and let God...such a relief!" So you say it is scary but also easy!

    But of course, you are not contradicting yourself, for both these are equally true. You have to go through the scary bit first to be re-minded that this is the easiest way. Keep up the good work!

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  15. You hae been tagged at Shimoda's Dream. Come play along.

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  16. Happy Valentine's Day, Marion!

    Two weeks in temporary living quarters was enough for me. It was so odd not to be surrounded by my things, to have no chores and duties or meals to prepare. However, it was a great time to explore and reflect.

    Hope your time goes by quickly and the right home presents itself.

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  17. Simon,

    Thank you, those phrases sound contradictory, don't they? Perhaps a different choice of wording would have helped, in this case. And I thank you for explaining it...when I visit your site, very often light bulbs go off,as you explain a heretofore misunderstood concept.

    You're a great teacher, Simon.

    Seventh,

    Thank you for tagging me...at this time I have decided not to take on any more from the blogging world, other than writing and visiting, when I can.

    I feel out of balance, my mental, physical, and emotional bodies feel in deep need of care, even though my spiritual body remains steady and strong on the balance beam.

    Sheila,

    Happy Belated Valentine's Day to you and your family...I'm a little late this year. But I'm running to catch up.

    At the earliest, now, I will be in this motel for at least a month, and Graham for two...Everything is going swimmingly, except for the very vital part of having no home.

    At one time, this would have frightened me, made me unsettled. It's much better this time around, other than having to keep my mind on mundane tasks. Not easy for a floaty, impractical Pisces!

    I tend to go a little "bush" as I hear people from the North say, even in my own home, in the Winter.

    More than a month...well...

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  18. You need not only see pictures of a home to buy but to see and feel the vibes of the area the house is in. Check the locality and the kind of people live in there.

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