There is a first time for everything; this is the first time I have sold a home without having another home ready to be moved into.
When the Sold sign went on the For Sale sign, it was with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I was happy to see it...that sign meant I would be joining up with Graham very soon.
On the other hand, it meant I was no longer the owner of this particular Home. All along, there have been wee pricks of reality, reminders that I was travelling a Road where I would definitely end up leaving this Home. But in my usual fashion, I ignored them, going on day by day as if nothing had changed, even packing up without really allowing myself to grasp the fact I was, indeed, leaving for another part of the country.
In about three weeks. To a part of the country where I have no home, house, trailer or cabin to move into. You see, if I think about moving too much, invariably my mind's eye wants to know where I am moving to...where will this chair sit or that desk go?...and there are no answers.
In my imagination, there is only a grey mist depicting my future home.
A Sold sign, as Graham says, kind of tells me, in no uncertain terms, that I have gone too far along this particular Road to turn back. I laughed when he said it; how much more obvious could that be...and yet, denial is a strange, weird thing. Awesome in its terrible power.
I have a wondrous ability to do everything that requires doing, regarding the Move, while at the same time, closing out the truly painful part of the whole thing. I have done this throughout my life; it is an epiphany of sorts...to realize I put off facing my true feelings and reality, until they become too large and omnivorous to ignore...but not one that is unfamiliar.
However, Creator has decided it was time to realize, fully and completely, this part of me. There is no Home in the offing, for me to further concentrate upon, to further stuff pain away...
There is only Now.
This day...this hour...this minute. I am reminded of page 449 in the Big Book...everything is exactly the way it is meant to be, right now.
My mind switches to Gratitude.
I have had time to hear my Grandson's first words...he says "Delicious!", amongst others. I have managed to keep steady my relationship with my Granddaughter, who is presently changing and maturing at a rapid rate, so fast it is difficult for me to keep up with her interests. I have realized and accepted the Love between Bree and I will not wane, even through the Turbulent Teens.
It has become wildly apparent to this Mother that her Daughter is a balanced, wise Adult, very well able to handle her own affairs, without me managing and controlling and advising. Quite often, these days, it is the other way around. When I complained about moving to a Motel Room, she said it would give me time to know Williams Lake, to wander around, take pictures and find my way along the misty Road I'm on.
Hmmm. She sounds like someone I am beginning to know a bit better...a little like me.
Heidi will live her life, using some of my teachings, some from Life, and some from other Mentors. No longer is it all in my Hands. The image I have of her as forever around the age of sixteen is no longer relevant.
I placed the selling of this Home in Creator's and Grandfather Tree's hands, with total faith it would sell very quickly. And it did.
I asked for people who would love this old Home as much as I did. On one of my forever Walks with the Dogs, tiredness overcame us, and I sat on a pile of lumber in the front Garden. The future purchasers wandered over to me, and intuitively, immediately, before anyone else even understood... I knew these people were the New Owners.
While they were drawing up the offer for this Home, Eagle flew around Grandfather Tree three times, in concentric Circles, in full view of myself and a carpenter who was working on the new gate. Anxiety about any conditions applied to the offer disappeared.
The New Owners have similar ideas to ours for furthering the improvements on this Home. One of them is a Woodworker, and understands Trees and their needs. The other is a Healer/Teacher/Gardener...and her birthday is the same date as mine. The whole event of selling became, as our Realtor mentioned, a very serendipitous movement...very smooth and easy.
There is great Gratitude for my heightened awareness of spiritual messages, which has increased dramatically during this time. Relying on total intuition is not easy; it requires strong vigilance for the unusual and faith in Opening myself to whatever is at whatever moment.
It requires standing and facing down the fearful Ego...the one that envisions only problems ahead.
And so, as I pack up my office, I feel, mostly, at peace. Fear manages to force its way in, every once in awhile. I have only to remember the Sunrise, on the morning that Graham left for the Cariboo. I had given my new camera to Graham, and only had my older one. The colours in these photos have not been altered in any way, it was the most brilliant, luridly so, almost, Sunrise I had ever encountered.
A Sunrise that heralded a New Beginning, one which had the definite stamp of approval given by the Universe.
So...who am I to worry endlessly about a future home? This whole event has been fated to be; it is orchestrated by a far greater and more knowledgeable Hand than mine.
And how many more signs proclaiming all is as it should be could I reasonably expect? I have had too many to count already.
A Home will appear, just when I least think about or expect it. It is the way of things.