Monday, August 20, 2007

A Fantasy Wake

I met a casual acquaintance the other day, when I was shopping for the various sundry items needed for the mundane life...

She and I had met as she visited her mother at The Gardens at Qualicum Beach, approximately at the same time as I did. She gave her condolences to me, for my mother's death. I thanked her, and we chatted on a bit, catching up on news.

She asked if there was to be a memorial for my mother; I said yes, it was upcoming. She was aware of my fractured family and so she smiled, as I grinned back, both of us fully aware the other understood. She has five brothers.

She told me of a man she knew who had recently died. He had four offspring, who were at each other's throats at a moment's notice. This fellow left four tickets on a cruise ship for his children, with express wishes that the rest of his inheritance would go to charity, if they did not all go on this cruise...all at the same time! And it was a long cruise.

He wanted his ashes distributed upon the high seas, with the four of them in attendance.

Blinking my eyes against a vision of a burning ship, should this have happened to my family, I laughed and said...wouldn't it be great if we could plan our wakes to the nth degree.

She's the final controlling gesture!

As I trundled off with my basket, I mused on that...

I had difficulty with it; I sat on what my idea of a fantasy wake would be for a few days. I could not get it out of my mind, it was first and foremost. Are our last wishes a controlling force to the ones left behind...or are they an encapsulation of how we perceive our lives? I couldn't come up with the answer; in the end, it didn't matter.

Since I couldn't seem to leave the subject alone, I decided to write about it...and perhaps that's what I'm meant to do.

When my life ends, I want a celebration...a party...a good old fashioned wake, where everybody tells a story or two about my peccadilloes...and there are many.

I want laughter and music. I want good energy; I will do everything I can from wherever I am to enable the positive, loving energy I desire, at my wake.

I don't want people to remember how I can whine endlessly, about a problem or an ache. I don't want people to remember my dark moods, my impossible anger, my obsessions...

I don't want hushed funeral parlours. I want fresh Air, a Bonfire that sends sparks to the Heavens, Wind that frolics with the Trees, and Water, be it Ocean or River, that takes the grief and tears, and washes them clean.

I want music...something from the past that makes people sway and tap their feet. I want a celebration.

Because, deep inside of me, I feel that Death is a reward for a life well-lived. I believe that Birth and Death are each a beginning...a start anew. A birth and a re-birth.

I don't believe it is up to the remaining people on this plane to take the life of another and judge how they lived it, in a negative manner, at my wake.

I want humourous anecdotes...the kind where acceptance of the person I was runs deep.

I want my loved ones to let go of the deep, hidden hurts I've inflicted, to throw those black, stinking piles of garbage held deep inside, into the Water. I want them to realize, then, that I meant the best, always. Always. But sometimes, it was the best for me, as well.

The people I leave behind must be ready for a celebration of this kind, where laughter prevails and forgiveness begins. It can take awhile, to get to a place such as this, when a death occurs.

And so, at my Wake, I want a Wise Woman or Man, someone who knows the old ways, to help facilitate, to find fragments of Soul and mend them, give them back to the rightful owner, so all may feel at peace.

I want laughter. Clear, shiny peals of laughter, that echoes amongst the Trees, is taken by the Wind and dropped into needful places. I need the giggles of children, a chuckle from elders and uproarious guffaws from the in between. I would want as much joy for my passage as there is at a newborn's arrival.

I would want, in my fantasy wake, first and foremost, a healing place.

My fantasy wake doesn't include cruises to far-off places, although I know my daughter would approve...

It only lets me know that everybody left behind will be alright without me; they love me and miss me...and that it's okay for me to go.

Leaving the rest to their joyful celebration.


  1. Many, many years in the future I hope your family will celebrate your life as you wish now. Even better why can't we have our "wakes" now when we can still hear the music and help hasten the healing.

  2. yeah... that would be nice, a celebration. i wouldn't want it any other way too. :)

  3. Our Southern tradition of the church bringing in tons of food for after a funeral has a way of turning the sad funeral service time into a family reunion/fellowship that often turns into a story swapping time, with lots of laughter. When I was younger, and far less wise, I thought this was disrespectful of the dead. Now, I realize just how much respect is shown by that joyous remembering.

  4. Thanks for your work, is very good, and have a good week

    Madeleine MaCaan
    There is strong suspicion that Madeleine’s case is being hidden by responsible people in England. Of what it doesn’t seem to have doubts is that the girl was assassinated

  5. Sheila,

    My goal is to live to 104. I met a lady once, a few years ago, who was 104; she had fought many diseases over the years...and yet she was still on stage singing...and, yes, dancing, with her walker. I will never forget her, she made an enormous impression. Her happiness shone from her.

    Wouldn't that be an interesting be required to have a Wake at the age of sixty, say. And be present, in the flesh. Wow.


    I'm glad you agree. I attended a Wake like the one I described years ago; it was enormously joyful...and everybody did feel better.


    Death seemed such a solemn occasion, when I was young, it seemed. How dare anyone laugh or joke, at a time like this, when stoic solemnity should be the order of the day?

    It seems I, too, have learned a few things since then.


    Thank you for keeping Madeleine in the public eye.

  6. I've been to one funeral that was a total celebration of the person's life. It was one of my most inspirational days ever. I do love your ideas.

  7. Marion,

    Wow! You really know how to plan a funeral! I'm wondering if I might hire you to plan mine? Of course, I don't plan to have one for a long, long time, but when I do, I want it to be just like you described!

    Miss T

  8. Jan,

    These celebrations can stay with me for life, when it is as you describe.There is such good energy that infuses each and every person there.

    Miss T,

    Lol! You can use my plans, if you like...then you're all set!

    I've always been one of those people who wants to be at their own funeral. Just one of those strange things about me, lol!

  9. Interesting story about the cruise ship. That would be my idea of hell (assuming that I believed in hell) Being one of too many people aboard a floating buffet with nothing to do but eat and try and attain a semblence of peace. Then get off and shop! No thankee.
    Your thought of death being a reward for a life well lived is interesting. What is the reward for a life not well lived?
    Beautiful photos you present.

  10. I think a wake or celebration is the thing to do.

    I don't go to funerals and don't intend having one myself. They should be happy events if you believe in the afterlife or reincarnation.

    Fabulous photos, the colours are amazing.

  11. Yes, death is just another part of life so why not celebrate the passage as if it is a going away party or bon voyage.
    Why not a cook out with a magician and pony rides. (for the adults)
    Show the pictures that made us laugh and then the ones that made us whole. When we leave we trade in the Ford for a different model and we drive to someplace else.

  12. Goatman,

    I believe all beings, just by experiencing life, are rewarded when they shed the physical. I believe it takes great courage to learn life's lessons. Whether for an instant or a long life, it makes no difference...the reward is the same.

    We could go a long way down the rabbit hole on this one!


    Welcome back. Hope you had a great vacation!

    The photos are from Clip Art. They have a super collection, on many different subjects.


    Your words made my day...that's exactly how I feel. Trade in the old And carry on.